Giving voice to Fr. Maciel’s Accusers before they die off (updated 9/16/2022)

 

                  The Best Kind of Witnesses are Dead Witnesses

would seem to be the Legion of Christ’s motto and method

They have left it to the last moment to attempt outreach and compensation to the victims. And only to the victims who will accept compensation on their terms. Those “bad” victims will not be rewarded for their “stubbornness” – or would that be “the strength of their convictions”?

Some of us got together several years ago in Mexico.

I am aware that the below is an extremely poor testimony to the victims, who spent their lives and money seeking truth and justice -and received very little in return!

Paul Lennon

These are some of the men, a few of whom victims, who fought for decades against Vatican and Legion of Christ Silence regarding the Founder’s disreputable life. González-Parga and Lennon were ordained priests in the Legion; the others left disillusioned in the 1960s as seminarians.

(From right)

Carlos de la Isla, from Mexico, one of the first junior seminarians, apostólicos, recruited by Maciel and who began his studies in Mexico City in the 1940s. Carlos and his two brothers joined the Legion as children. It is a fact that one of Carlos’ brothers was sexually abused by Maciel. The father traveled to Mexico City from the heartland to confront the founder. Maciel, as on many other occasions, found a way to deny, placate and slip away from trouble. From that moment on, someone in the Legion knew about his evil inclinations.  But the Great Catholic Houdini would always find a way out of any tight spot and come out smelling like a rose.

Arturo Jurado, early legionary, victim and witness, was one of those unfortunate seminarians who was manipulated by Maciel into finding drugs for his father beyond reproach in Spain and Rome. He left the Legion in the 1960s after being held in seclusion and silenced by Maciel for years, and made a good living for himself as Spanish language teacher and interpreter in California.  On discovering that he has much in common with José Barba,  he  joined forces with José Barba.  He spent years paying his way to Rome with José to  request Vatican  intervention regarding Maciel’s sexual abuse of his seminarians and many other irregularities.

José Barba-Martín, PhD Harvard in Philology, professor emeritus, ITAM, Mexico City  where he held the chair of Political and Social Institutions.  He of the prodigious memory,  spear-headed the accusers cause, aided by Jurado. Their decades-long saga, after meeting with denial, stone-walling and minimization, finally bore fruit in 2006 when Vatican and Pope Benedict accepted their accusations, made no apology to them, gave Maciel a slap on the wrist and ordered him to a life of Penance and Prayer;  to which unrepentant Maciel paid no attention, continuing to live with his paramour and daughter and traveling wherever he wanted by private plane.

(John) Paul Lennon,  believer, friend and supporter of Maciel’s victims; like Domínguez not a victim of sexual abuse. Joined the Legion of Christ in Dublin, Ireland, at the age of seventeen, considered Irish co-founder by Maciel, ordained to the priesthood in Rome, together with eleven others (among which Bishop Brian Farrell and Cardinal Fernando Vérgez), on the 25th anniversary of Fr. Maciel’s priestly ordination, 26th November 1969. Left Legion in 1984 -before he every heard of abuse-  and since then has been a critic of Maciel’s foundation. He was sued for his troubles by the Legion of Christ in the City of Alexandria, VA, USA in August  2007. One lawyer commented: “Mr. Lennon, you have made some very rich people very angry!”

Francisco González-Parga, known in the Legion as Padre Parga, passed away this year in Guadalajara, Mexico, mourned by his wife, Esther. Francisco was one of Maciel’s sexual abuse victims; an enslavement which began in puberty and lasted into his twenties. He was not one of the original group of accusers but came forward in 2005 when Vatican prosecutor, then Monsignor, Charles Scicluna carried out the first thorough Vatican investigation into Maciel’s sexual abuse of his seminarians in Mexico City. By this time Maciel was 85 and the victims in their sixties. Remember that Maciel founded the Legion in 1941, when he was a 21-year old untrained seminarian, and began sexually abusing the 10 and 11-year-olds under his “pastoral care.”

Maciel’s sexual preference was pubertal males. In some cases, if he found them especially attractive he would continue the relationship into the victims’ twenties. Each older victim believed he was the only object of Maciel’s attention… As Maciel “matured” he sexually abused boys who were not his seminarians, later seducing younger, vulnerable females. It would seem he never had an equal-to-equal relationship in his life. All his relationships were controlling, manipulative and exploitative. (See the author’s Breaking Bad article on this page)

(Seated)

Saul Barrales-Arellano, R.I.P., known to his companions as Brother Charity. An extremely kind and helpful person. The story goes that Saul would lay down at night outside Maciel’s bedroom in Rome, Via Aurelia 677, to prevent others from entering and being victimized. Because he once demonstrated a lack of unconditional support for Maciel, the Saint stopped his ordination as a priest, sending him instead into exile on the Canary Islands where he languished alone for months. He finally got help from his family in Mexico to fly home.  He was a headmaster at a Mexico City school and is survived by his dear Tere.

A Little addendum:

Don Alejandro Espinosa-Alcalá with Aura and Paul Lennon on one of our trips to Mexico. Alejandro is a very active original witness to Maciel’s sexual abuse , and has written about it in El Legionario (2006, edit. Grijalbo, Mexico) and El Ilusionista Marcial Maciel, of which I treasure his dedication. Like other survivors, Alejandro has lived in relative, and sometimes abject, poverty since leaving the Legion half a century ago. It seems that at the eleventh hour Fr. John Connor, Maciel’s successor, has been trying to save face by awarding  “Easter Eggs” of ten thousand dollars to the victims, assisting them in their old age, and/or paying for their funerals.

I had mistakenly pointed out Federico Domínguez in the photo. He is not in the photo, but everything that was said of him is true. At one point, Maciel sent him and some other seminarians to Dublin, Ireland, to study at the prestigious Maynooth College. After some time, Federico became disenchanted with the whole Legion project, left the seminary and married a lovely Irish girl, and “they lived happily ever after” in the USA.

Federico Domínguez, R.I.P., one of Maciel’s writers, circa 1955 he reported to Church authorities in Rome regarding some of Maciel’s questionable behaviors; thus provoking the first major Vatican investigation into the founder and his order, 1956-59; Maciel was exiled for two years, but with the help of allies in the Curia (Pizzardo & Co.), was able to return and consolidate his power and control. About this time Maciel conceived the Private Vows (see Berry & Renner’s Vows of Silence), one of which was the “snitching vow” whereby “Never to criticize the person or actions of the superior, and to inform on anyone who does so.” This vow was apparently abolished by the later Vatican investigation around 2010, the spirit may still prevail among die-hard Legion and Regnum Christi members.

El Archivo Negro de los Heraldos del Evangelio

Cuando empezaron a circular vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres decidieron reunirse, compartir sus preocupaciones y acudir a la justicia civil, apoyados por decenas de testimonios de maltrato, alienación parental, abuso psicológico y sexual,
psicológica y sexual.

 

El Uniforme de los Heraldos:

 

La Marcha de los Heraldos del Evangelio:

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=UMRleyRS&id=BD43E02291F1DF68F25C8951861EB1639DC30D4F&thid=OIP.UMRleyRSIAfmmFC_Xwx53gHaEK&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fi.ytimg.com%2fvi%2fyj6ZUwRA-HI%2fmaxresdefault.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.50c4657b24522007e69850bf5f0c79de%3frik%3dTw3DnWOxHoZRiQ%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=720&expw=1280&q=los+heraldos+del+evangelio&simid=608050520685695584&FORM=IRPRST&ck=A3AB376795BC9E829C9C5F28BE88872E&selectedIndex=45

El Archivo Negro de los Heraldos

Vidas heridas para siempre

Cuando empezaron a circular vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres decidieron reunirse, compartir sus preocupaciones y acudir a la justicia civil, apoyados por decenas de testimonios de maltrato, alienación parental, abuso psicológico y sexual,
psicológica y sexual.

¿Qué ocurre realmente en los “castillos” de los Heraldos del Evangelio? Tras la publicación de los vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres se dan cuenta de que sus hijos son objeto de comportamientos abusivos. El 14 de junio de 2018, una quincena de ellos envió un documento de treinta y siete páginas al Ministerio Público de Caieiras, en el que cuarenta y seis personas describían lo que habían vivido, abusos sexuales para cuatro de ellos. Los demás hablaron de malos tratos, alienación parental y abusos psicológicos. Un testimonio menciona una muerte sospechosa presentada como un suicidio. El 6 de mayo de 2019, padres de familia y ex integrantes de los Heraldos presentaron quejas ante la secretaría de la Secretaría de Educación del Distrito Federal y exigieron que se tomen medidas sobre el acceso de los Heraldos a las escuelas públicas de la capital donde realizan reclutamiento.

“Poseído por espíritus”

Los testimonios recogidos no dejan lugar a dudas sobre la gravedad de los hechos. Ahora tiene 20 años, L. S. se unió a los Heraldos a la edad de 10 años. “Mi vida dio un vuelco cuando la gente que vivía en
Mi vida dio un vuelco cuando personas que vivían en castillos y llevaban hermosos vestidos vinieron a decirme que, entre millones de personas en el mundo, la Virgen me había elegido para ser una de sus niñas favoritas. Pasa cinco años en el castillo de Serra de Cantareira, donde la vida se rige por el Ordo, un conjunto de reglas muy estrictas, “que sirven para normalizar las mentes y crear robots”. Cuando cuestiona las razones de estas normas, la miran con recelo y la someten a un primer exorcismo. “Dijeron que estaba poseído por espíritus. Tuve que beber aceite y me llevaron a un cura (…) Me sentí mal por todo el aceite que había ingerido. Dedujeron que era una manifestación del diablo y me sometieron a otra sesión de exorcismo. Cuando empezó a tener problemas psicológicos, la joven de 15 años fue devuelta a su familia.

Fue a los 7 años cuando A.B. se unió al movimiento en 2015 y obtuvo una beca. Demasiado apegada a sus padres biológicos, es objeto de críticas. En 2018, los problemas de relación son tan graves entre los Heraldos y su madre, que impidió que su hija recibiera el hábito, que vuelve con sus padres.

la vocación a los 12 años

El destino de B.P. era diferente. A los 11 años, tras pasar varios meses en el proyecto Futuro y Vida1, obtuvo una beca. Después del primer año de internado, participó en actividades durante los fines de semana y las vacaciones, y las visitas a sus padres se hicieron raras. A los 12 años, dijo a sus padres que tenía que prepararse para la vida religiosa. A los 18 años, llamó a su madre y le dijo que no interfiriera en sus decisiones. Durante una visita a su familia, envía un mensaje diciendo que está prisionera, la policía llega a petición de los Heraldos. El caso fue desestimado, y la chica (que ahora tiene 23 años) sigue con los Heraldos del Evangelio.
Una joven canadiense, que vino a Brasil a estudiar con los Heraldos, acusó a Joao Cla Dias de abusos sexuales. En una carta, dice que a los 12 años le tocó los pechos y las nalgas, y la besó. En 2014, con 22 años, consiguió apartarlo del movimiento. Ahora tiene 27 años y su se ha registrado una queja.

Otra niña, S., entró en los Heraldos a los 12 años, donde, en lugar de estudiar, tiene que aprender de memoria textos de Joao Cla Dias y Plinio Correa de Oliveira. Al igual que otros, se vio obligada a hacer sus “votos”, como si fuera una persona adulta y responsable. Cuando su salud se deteriora, su madre, Flavia Silva Nascimento, cuenta cómo consiguió sacar a su hija a los 17 años, cómo se escapó dos veces, antes de darse cuenta de lo atrasada que estaba en sus estudios. La propia chica da testimonio de la adoración por Joao Cla, que alcanza niveles extremos. Bebió, y otros con ella, el agua que supuestamente utilizó para lavarse, como le dijeron sus superiores2.

Otro caso es especialmente dramático: el de Alex Ribeiro, drogado y encerrado en una clínica psiquiátrica, que cuenta su historia. Originario de la ciudad de Sao Carlos (estado de Sao Paulo), se unió al movimiento de la Propiedad Familiar de la Tradición a la edad de 15 años y continuó con los Heraldos, donde trabajó como laico. Su misión, que le llevará a Portugal e Italia, es recaudar fondos. Besó los pies de Joao Cla Dias, “besos sagrados” dados al líder para recibir el perdón3 , participó en la ceremonia de la “santa esclavitud “4 . Tras dieciocho años de sumisión, fue internado a la fuerza a los 32 años en una clínica para drogadictos en la ciudad de Jundiai (estado de Sao Paulo) tras un ataque de ansiedad, sin que su familia fuera informada. Estaba bajo los efectos de potentes drogas, pero consiguió salir cuando su hermana descubrió su paradero. Tiene 41 años y sigue luchando contra su calvario personal.

A veces las cosas van más allá… El 27 de julio de 2016, una joven de 26 años, Livia Natsue Salvador Uchida, que ingresó en los Heraldos a los 14 años, fue encontrada muerta tras caer desde la ventana de su habitación en el cuarto piso del castillo de Serra da Cantareira (estado de Sao Paulo). Estaba limpiando, según las explicaciones dadas a su madre Zélia, que recogió información tras acudir al lugar de los hechos, pero que nunca tuvo acceso a los archivos de las cámaras instaladas en el lugar. Su hija murió por la mañana, pero se llamó al Servicio de Emergencia Móvil hacia las 12.30 y a la policía a las 17 horas. Un agente de policía le dice que fue un accidente y que lo acepte. Zélia contrata a un primer abogado que abandona el caso a los tres meses, y luego a un segundo que desiste al cabo de un año. La muerte de Livia se describe como un posible suicidio. Desde entonces, Livia es considerada una santa, se conservan reliquias e incluso hay medallones con su imagen. Para Zélia, esto es una distracción: “Creo que lo hacen para tapar algo”.

1 “Futuro y vida”: una falsa lotería organizada por los Heraldos para acercarse a los niños, ofreciéndoles música, arte y otras actividades recreativas gratuitas durante los fines de semana.
los fines de semana. Después de varias semanas, los seleccionados reciben becas para estudiar en una de sus escuelas.

2. El informe enviado en 2017 al Vaticano por un antiguo miembro de los Heraldos, hace referencia a la veneración hacia Joao Cla Dias. “Todo lo que tocaba se convertía en una reliquia codiciada, ya fueran toallas, vasos, platos, envoltorios de caramelos que solía tirar por la ventana de su piso particular o el agua en la que sus devotas hijas de la Segunda Orden lavaban su ropa”. Por “Segunda Orden” se entiende las mujeres consagradas (Regina Virginum), siendo la Primera Orden la rama masculina (Virgo Flos Carmeli). También están los llamados “Terciarios”, que se adhieren a los Heraldos, se consagran a María como esclavos, pero no viven internamente.

3. En uno de los vídeos publicados en 2017, se ve a una adolescente obligada a besar los pies de Joao Cla Dias.

4. Santa esclavitud: véase la p. 19

Sitios de referencia:

EXEA, antes Heraldos del Evangelio, lugar de encuentro y apoyo a las víctimas de abusos, que recoge historias y experiencias, https://exae.com.br

L’Envers du décor, un sitio creado por Xavier Léger, que formaba parte de la Congregación de los Legionarios de Cristo (1999-2006). Véase en particular: “Cómo llegan los niños a los castillos”, “Lavado de cerebro y separación de la familia” https://lenversdudecor.org

Testimonios:

– https ://istoe.com.br/os-arautos-do-anticristo – https ://www.metropoles.com/materias- especiais/arautos-do-evangelho-os-segredos- escondidos-nos-castelos-do-grupo-catolico

 

Esposa y Francisco González Parga 2006/2010 Testimonios/ Maciel Victim and Wife Speak out

Sr. Juan Pedro Oriol
P r e s e n t e

Estimado Padre:

Me permito escribirle esta carta, aunque no lo conozco, solamente porque vi en el periódico una crítica que hace usted a la película El Código Da Vinci. Lo que me llamó la atención es al principio del artículo que usted lo dedica al Padre Marcial Maciel, hombre bueno, íntegro y fiel. Estos epítetos me calaron en lo más hondo de mi corazón porque no está usted calificando verazmente a ese señor.  ¿Es Bueno, cuando abuso de más de 100 muchachos adolescentes y aun niños que él había reclutado para la vida religiosa? ¿Íntegro, cuando, por lo que sé de él, ha estado viviendo una doble vida de forma permanente, por décadas? ¿Lo cree usted después de todos esos actos aberrantes de que se le acusa con verdad? ¿Fiel? ¿A quién? Al Papa que lo encubre, a los Legionarios que lo sirven y lo idolatran?, o más bien, ¿A sí mismo? Pero ciertamente, ni bueno, ni íntegro, ni fiel para con Dios. Dios vio todo lo que él hizo, pero de Dios nadie se burla y Dios ya le está pidiendo…

Francisco González Parga, Q.E.P.D. 9 abril, 2022, R.I.P.

CARTA DE LA ESPOSA DE FRANCISCO GÓNZALEZ PARGA XLC

(Letter translated into English below)

EN EL AÑO 2006

Lic. Ma. Esther de González.

Guadalajara, Jal., 28 de Mayo del 2006.

Sr. Juan Pedro Oriol
P r e s e n t e

Estimado Padre:

Me permito escribirle esta carta, aunque no lo conozco, solamente porque vi en el periódico una crítica que hace usted a la película El Código Da Vinci. Lo que me llamó la atención es al principio del artículo que usted lo dedica al Padre Marcial Maciel, hombre bueno, íntegro y fiel. Estos epítetos me calaron en lo más hondo de mi corazón porque no está usted calificando verazmente a ese señor.  ¿Es Bueno, cuando abuso de más de 100 muchachos adolescentes y aun niños que él había reclutado para la vida religiosa? ¿Íntegro, cuando, por lo que sé de él, ha estado viviendo una doble vida de forma permanente, por décadas? ¿Lo cree usted después de todos esos actos aberrantes de que se le acusa con verdad? ¿Fiel? ¿A quién? Al Papa que lo encubre, a los Legionarios que lo sirven y lo idolatran?, o más bien, ¿A sí mismo? Pero ciertamente, ni bueno, ni íntegro, ni fiel para con Dios. Dios vio todo lo que él hizo, pero de Dios nadie se burla y Dios ya le está pidiendo cuenta de sus crímenes; pero aun Maciel tendrá que enfrentarse cara a cara con él en un tribunal donde no se tendrá en cuenta ni su edad, ni su delicado estado de salud. Y, esto, lo más probable es que muy pronto, debido precisamente a su edad.

Le digo todo esto con todo conocimiento de causa, pues yo soy esposa de una de las víctimas de Maciel y brevemente le voy a contar lo que yo viví como fruto de ese abuso, de ese asesinato de un alma limpia que nunca se imaginó encontrarse con un perverso homosexual que lo marcaria para toda su vida.

Cuando yo conocí a mi esposo, hace aproximadamente 33 años, lo empecé a tratar, lo empecé a amar, poco a poco me fue él contando su vida, me dijo a grandes rasgos que cuando él tenía 15 años (ahora tiene 65), el padre Marcial Maciel había abusado de él en un colegio que tienen los Legionarios en Ontaneda, España.

Entendí que él quería ser sincero conmigo y quería contarme todo su pasado para entrar al matrimonio sin ningún secreto. Yo ya sabía que él había sido sacerdote; sin embargo nunca me imaginé los horribles hechos que lo había orillado a dejar el sacerdocio, ni las secuelas y consecuencias que había dejado en su personalidad. Así que, aunque ciertamente me molestó, y me inquietó el conocerlos, seguimos con nuestra relación, nos casamos, y todo parecía normal; sin embargo, lo veía siempre triste, muy cansado, se agotaba con mucha facilidad.

En el primer año de casados, se enfermó gravemente de la uretra y estuvo a punto de morir. Duró 6 meses internado en un hospital de la ciudad de México con una infección tremenda.

Cuando salimos de esa, él seguía triste, enfermo de otras cosas, padecía graves insomnios, semanas enteras no dormía; en una palabra, estaba en depresión permanente, y cuando oía algo sobre el Padre Maciel se ponía muy nervioso, muy alterado, fuera de control, se le secaba la boca, le dolía el estómago y le afectaba en su proceso de digestión.

Yo entendí que las enfermedades y la depresión venían desde el abuso, pero él siempre luchó y se sobreponía para seguir adelante, cumpliendo con los diversos trabajos que tuvo; durante varios años estuvo dando cursos de relaciones humanas, luego abrió un despacho de consejería y dió clases como profesor en el ITESO, hasta que por su estado de salud y agotamiento, llegó el momento en que no pudo ya trabajar.

Entonces yo tuve que enfrentarme por varios años a todos los gastos de la casa, sus doctores y sus medicinas. Tenía que trabajar muy duro. Pues además de que tenía que atenderlo, cuidarlo y animarlo, estaba estudiando mi licenciatura en derecho.

En varias ocasiones durante ese período, cuando su angustia interior declinaba en anemia, por la falta de digestión y los insomnios, mi marido buscó la ayuda en tratamientos con psicólogos, y en la medicina alternativa. La mayor parte de los ingresos económicos que entonces teníamos, iban para el psicólogo que habitualmente no hacía reducción en sus tarifas y era muy caro.

Así que, Padre, debe darse cuenta de que para quien ha vivido ese infierno que nosotros vivimos, por culpa de otro, es muy difícil mantener la calma al escuchar que a ese otro, malvado, lo tienen como un santo, un hombre intachable, como un ejemplo y guía de la juventud, o como un hombre bueno, íntegro y fiel. Y no es envidia, Padre; es indignación al ver la obra de Satanás tan perfectamente urdida para que muchos inocentes caigan en las garras del agente perfectamente camuflado que él ha enviado, vestido con piel de oveja (con apariencia de santo y con sotana) y es triste al ver como hombres de buena voluntad como usted han caído y están incapacitados para ver, pues tienen los ojos vendados, pero aún así se prestan para salir en defensa del depredador, haciéndose sus cómplices.

Yo soy abogada, yo sé lo que es un testigo y una víctima; a usted y a todos los que defienden a Maciel, no les hizo nada más que engañarlos de que era una buena persona; ustedes son testigos de oídas, como se dice en Derecho, pero yo que usted Padre, tendría cuidado de andar ponderando a ese demonio que se viste de luz, que llama a la verdad mentira y a la mentira verdad. Yo que usted investigaba, preguntaba, indagaba, no sea que Dios también a usted le pida cuentas y le tenga que responder: “pues yo creía. . .., pues todo mundo decía. . . . , total, pecados de juventud, a muchos sacerdotes les pasa y ellos no han hecho nada por la Iglesia”, etc. etc. Todos esos argumentos no le van a valer ante Dios.

Por otro lado le quiero decir, que Dios sí es bueno y el sí es fiel y un día Dios tuvo misericordia de mi esposo y nos envió una persona santa que nos llevó al conocimiento de la Palabra de Dios, nos llevó a hacer nuestra paz con Dios, nos llevó a ver a Jesucristo como la única puerta para nuestra salvación y nuestra liberación. Poco a poco Dios mismo, como un padre amoroso, fue restaurando las heridas de mi esposo, fue sanando su corazón, y le puedo decir con toda certeza, que ya perdonó a Maciel y hasta ora por él para que Dios tenga misericordia de él y lo ayude a buscar el arrepentimiento antes de que sea demasiado tarde.

(Paul Lennon comenta párrafo anterior: se refiere a que el que había sido “el Padre Parga” se hizo Evangélico proselitista durante esa época de su vida)

Padre, de verdad deseo que Dios ponga en usted un espíritu especial, un espíritu de revelación que le haga conocer la verdad y que esa verdad lo haga libre (como dice Cristo) y feliz (como dice usted en su artículo).

Lo saludo con afecto y con el amor que Cristo ha puesto en mi corazón

Lic. Ma. Esther de González.

=================

Guadalajara, Jal., 14 de Abril del 2010.

Estimado Padre Álvaro Corcuera:

He pensado mucho para decidirme a escribirle esta carta, pues además de saber que es usted una persona sobre la que pesa un gran número de responsabilidades graves, y más aún en este tiempo en que se les vino como avalancha a los Legionarios la opinión pública acerca de los pecados secretos, delitos y doble vida del padre Maciel, no encontraba la manera y el tono de dirigirme a usted que fueran apropiados tanto a la consideración que me merece su persona como al fin que me propongo.

Le pido al Espíritu Santo que me permita expresarle con plena objetividad, todo lo que hay en mi corazón, sin odio, resentimiento, o espíritu de revancha, con la única intención de ayudarlo a comprender un poco mejor la destrucción y los daños, no sólo psicológicos, sino también físicos, sociales y espirituales provocados por el comportamiento de su fundador, el Sr. Marcial Maciel, en sus víctimas, algunas de las cuales yo conozco.

Yo soy la esposa de Francisco González Parga, a quien usted mencionó en una entrevista que recientemente le hizo el conocido periodista Ciro Gómez Leyva. Usted dijo que lo admiraba; estoy segura que si supiera la lucha por la vida que él ha tenido que afrontar, las dificultades de todo tipo que ha tenido que vencer, y el trabajo de restauración personal que ha tenido que llevar a cabo para lograr su equilibrio y estabilidad emocional y reencontrar el camino de su perfeccionamiento espiritual, lo admiraría mucho más. Creo que la desarticulación y la desestructuración de su personalidad, así como el sufrimiento causado por ellas y soportado en completa soledad durante años, es algo que ni usted ni nadie que no lo haya conocido más de cerca, se pueden imaginar. Yo me casé con él y he estado a su lado por 30 años, yo sé cómo él ha llorado lágrimas amargas al ver que su vida se le fue de las manos y no pudo realizar ninguna de las grandes ilusiones que él tenía en Pro de la iglesia y de la juventud, pues, al salir de la Legión con tantas heridas, se encontraba limitado de muchas formas e incapacitado por la confusión, la desilusión, la ira, el desánimo, las profundas contradicciones y temores de todo tipo que sembró Maciel en su espíritu y en su ánimo ante Dios, sus semejantes y la vida. Por años me ha tocado compartir sus enfermedades, su tristeza y sus temores. Pero para cuando yo lo conocí y pude ofrecerle algo de consuelo y compañía, él ya había vivido años en depresión, lleno de toda clase de enfermedades; la mayoría de ellas psicosomáticas: insomnios, baja presión sanguínea, taquicardias, grave neuritis de carácter carencial que lo tuvo más de un año en cama, sin poder leer, ni sostener una conversación por más de 10 minutos, sin poder ver televisión ni escribir una carta. Actualmente ha perdido casi totalmente la vista y en parte por falta de recursos económicos no ha podido atenderse debidamente. Él ha sido una víctima de Maciel en el sentido más completo de la palabra, así como de todos aquellos que por años no sólo lo encubrieron sino que además lo exaltaron y ensalzaron tanto, consolidando con ello la opinión pública de que quienes lo denunciaban eran unos embusteros, envidiosos y mal intencionados conspiradores que sólo querían satisfacer sus ambiciones de poder dentro de la Legión, y al no permitírselo el fundador, inventaron calumnias abominables contra el santo sacerdote. ¡Qué pena, qué dolor, pero más bien, qué vergüenza deberían sentir ahora, quienes por defender el propio status, o la imagen de la iglesia, de la Legión, o del fundador, se convirtieron, de esa manera, en cómplices conscientes de Maciel! Porque es ya un argumento que a nadie convence, padre Corcuera, el que ni usted, ni los demás superiores más prominentes de la Legión, estuvieron al tanto, si no de todas, sí de muchas de las graves transgresiones y prevaricaciones de su fundador como sacerdote y como hombre.

Y ahora que usted le ha manifestado a Gómez Leyva su intención de venir en Mayo a México y “pedir perdón” a cada una de las víctimas que se atrevieron a levantar la voz al no aguantar más su dolor, a: Arturo Jurado, Pepe Barba, Saúl Barrales, Alejandro Espinosa, y muchos otros, yo me pregunto: ¿A qué viene verdaderamente el P. Corcuera? ¿A qué viene? ¿A ver los estragos que dejó su querido Padre Maciel en un grupo de hombres ya viejos, enfermos, heridos en todas formas, pobres, vituperados por todo el mundo que creyó en las versiones de ustedes y de Maciel, que eran unos mentirosos, unos calumniadores? Y viene a decirles: “¡qué pena! ¡Miren nada más lo que hizo “Nuestro Padre”! La verdad es, P. Corcuera, que me hierve la sangre de indignación, sólo de pensar que usted viniera con esa actitud. Es una vergüenza escuchar todas esas declaraciones que están haciendo ahora los legionarios y los obispos mexicanos en torno a la pederastia de los sacerdotes y los delitos cometidos por Maciel. Más valdría que no dijeran nada. Todos hablan de “pecado” y de “perdón cristiano”. Y no toman para nada en cuenta que las transgresiones de un hombre, cuando llegan a ser delito, se convierten también en un atentado contra la sociedad, en un atentado de “lessa humanidad”, porque como muy bien dijo en la Cámara, la Coordinadora de los diputados del Pan, Josefina Vázquez Mota, “el delincuente se convierte en un promotor de la muerte, pues mata la esperanza de vida al destruir la verdad, y la confianza en la honestidad”. Por esa razón, los delitos se persiguen “de oficio”. Los graves delitos no se deben arreglar solamente en el confesionario, ni un individuo particular puede absolver al delincuente en el foro de la justicia social.

Intentar justificar hacerlo así, me recuerda la historia de un hombre que le robó su carro al vecino. Luego, un buen día se da cuenta de que para estar bien con Dios, tenía que arrepentirse del mal ocasionado a su vecino, y va con el vecino y le dice: “Vecino, vengo a pedirle perdón porque le robé su carro, no sabe usted qué pena me da, de verdad, me duele ver que usted con tanta molestia va y viene a pie a su trabajo, pero mire, ya me dí cuenta del mal que hice y estoy muy arrepentido, de mi mal comportamiento; siento vergüenza de mí mismo y por favor perdóneme”. ¡Hecho esto se va, pero no le devuelve su carro al vecino, sino que sigue utilizando el automóvil robado! ¿Cree usted que Dios y el vecino afectado estarán conformes con esa clase de arrepentimiento? Pues parece que hasta ahora así entienden los obispos y ustedes mismos –los legionarios–, el arrepentimiento. Maciel les robó a estos hombres la vida, les robó la oportunidad de haber construido para sí mismos y para sus familias un futuro digno y feliz; les robó sus ideales, su salud, y hasta su reputación social, su paz y la alegría de vivir, ¡TODO! ¿No cree usted que los que ahora fungen como superiores de la Legión deberían en estricta justicia resarcir a todos y cada uno de estos hombres tanto en lo social como en lo económico de todos esos bienes de que fueron fraudulentamente despojados? Porque toda la vida de Maciel fue un fraude, y engañó dolosamente a todos sus seguidores con falsas ideas y prácticas sobre la vocación, para utilizarlos como señuelo con el que pescaría a manos llenas prestigio y admiración en los medios clericales y avalanchas de dinero en su arcas. Fueron esos jóvenes engañados a los que Maciel ocupó también como esclavos y mano de obra gratuita, para amasar esos grandes tesoros, a los que ustedes ahora se aferran, no haciendo mención en ningún momento de restitución.

Como abogada que soy, sé que desde el punto de vista legal, ustedes están obligados a pagar a las víctimas daños y perjuicios, pero también sé, desde el punto de vista espiritual, que es en el que ustedes deberían saberse mover con objetividad y verdad, que Dios mismo, en Su Palabra, cuando se refiere al pecado, distingue muy claramente entre la ofensa directa hecha a Él, la que Él perdona exclusivamente mediante el arrepentimiento sincero del corazón, y el daño social causado por el pecado, el cual el pecador debe pagar durante esta vida, como una forma de restitución. Esto está evidentemente mostrado en el pasaje que se refiere a los delitos de adulterio y asesinato cometidos por el Rey David (II Samuel 12,1-14).

Cuando usted dice en esa entrevista a la que me he estado refiriendo, ¡Qué pena que Saúl Barrales está enfermo!,… Bueno Padre, ¿usted realmente cree que para Dios y para el señor Saúl Barrales, o para la sociedad, con eso basta? ¿No cree usted que eso suena a pura hipocresía, y apariencias? ¿Porqué no se interesa en informarse qué es lo que tiene (tiene cáncer en la próstata), a continuación se informa en qué buen hospital lo pueden atender debidamente y cuánto cuesta su atención médica ¡Y SE DECLARA DISPUESTO A PAGARLO!? No se queden muy arrepentidos, pero con el fruto del despojo. Infórmense sobre qué pueden hacer prácticamente por las víctimas, y restituyan en justicia; no piensen sólo en decirles un “lo siento” y “perdonen”; ese tipo de disculpas, Padre, no es válido, ni humanamente y mucho menos cristianamente. Eso no es más que fariseísmo e hipocresía.- Me dirá: yo no fui, fue Maciel. Sí, es cierto, hasta cierto punto, pero los superiores actuales de la Legión, aún cuando fuera cierto que no están implicados directa o indirectamente en los hechos delictuosos cometidos por Maciel durante décadas, tienen, sin duda ninguna, la obligación de reparar el daño y restituir los robos que él cometió, como cualquier albacea lo hace con los recursos heredados por el difunto. Recursos que Maciel en este caso acumuló, sobre la vida de todos esos esclavitos, sus víctimas, quienes seguramente han invertido mucho tiempo y dinero en su rehabilitación, y de los que, algunos, ahora están y han estado en total abandono y pobreza. Y no me diga ahora, padre, que ese dinero no es de ustedes, que no pueden disponer de él, porque es de las almas que van ustedes a salvar. Primero está la obligación que la devoción.

Bueno, ya no quiero seguir estrujando mi corazón recordando todas estas terribles cosas del pasado, e intentando hacerle tomar conciencia de los daños causados y de la obligación de repararlos, sólo quiero decirle que en lo que se refiere a mi esposo, él no quiere que venga a pedirle perdón como lo ha venido haciendo hasta ahora; no venga a perder su “precioso tiempo”, no queremos ayudarle en el juego de ir poniendo palomitas a su lista de víctimas a las que ya pidió perdón.

Para finalizar, le quiero decir Padre Corcuera, que no se preocupe tanto por el dinero y las posesiones. Eso no lo honra. Preocúpese por aquellos que no hayan podido perdonar estas cosas, ni delante de Dios y haga algo por ellos. Ofrézcales un resarcimiento público de su inocencia. Ellos merecen además una compensación por el servicio que le han hecho a la sociedad, a los buenos legionarios y a los buenos católicos, al denunciar los hechos, con mucha inversión de su tranquilidad, de su buen nombre, de sus vidas y hasta de su dinero, arduamente devengado en su trabajo. Pero sobre todo, preocúpese por las cuentas que ustedes, los legionarios, van a tener que dar a Dios como las que ha de haber tenido que dar su padre fundador, al que tanto defendieron y ensalzaron. Preocúpense de ponerse a cuentas con Dios, y también de arreglar sus cuentas con tantos muchachitos y jovencitas generosos e ingenuos que ustedes sedujeron, secuestraron y luego utilizaron en primer lugar para sacar más dinero a cuantas personas creyentes y bien intencionadas se pusieron a su alcance. Porque “nada hay oculto que no haya de ser revelado”, y “lo que se dijo y se hizo en lo secreto, se anunciará sobre los tejados”. Palabras verdaderas son estas que se están cumpliendo en ustedes y en la iglesia católica, no obstante su poder, su dinero y su influencia. De Dios nadie se burla.

Le anexo unas cartas que escribí en su momento al Padre Oriol y a Lucrecia Rego de Planas para que conozca un poco más acerca del dolor recibido por las víctimas de Maciel y compartido por quienes hemos estado cerca de ellos. Me gustaría también mandarle el testimonio que entregó mi esposo a Mons. Carlo Scicluna para que conociera a fondo su tristísima experiencia, pero temo ser excesiva y puede que usted ya lo conozca. Si no es así y le interesara leerlo, se lo enviaría por correo electrónico. Le ayudaría a redimensionar el estrago causado por Maciel en sus víctimas. En mis otras cartas conocerá también mi modo de pensar sobre el caso

Maciel y los legionarios. Le mandaré también por correo electrónico, si le interesa y me da su correo, el documento que mi esposo entregó a Monseñor Watty aquí en México en una entrevista que Mons. concedió a un grupo de víctimas de Maciel, de la Legión y del Regnum Christi.

 

Atentamente,

 

Lic. Ma. Esther de Gonzalez

 

FRANCISCO GONZALEZ-PARGA’S 19 YEAR CAREER WITH THE LEGION OF CHRIST

From July, 1951 [AGED 11] to December, 1970

  1. APOSTOLIC:
    Tlalpam, MEXICO: July, 1951 to July, 1954
    Ontaneda, SPAIN: July, 1954 to July, 1955
  2. POSTULANTCY: Summer vacations, 1955
  3. NOVITIATE: September, 1955 to September, 1957
  4. PREFECT OF POSTULANTS: Summer, 1957; in the same group as Fr. Mariano de Blas, Fr. Blazquez, Bonifacio Padilla and Raul de Anda.
  5. JUNIORATE: September, 1957 to September, 1959
  6. SUPERIOR STUDIES, ROME
    • PHILOSOPHY: September, 1959 to September, 1962.
    • THEOLOGY: Degree, September, 1962 to September, 1965.
      Simultaneously Assistant to the Master of Novices in Ireland from 1962 to 1965 while alternating months of work in the novitiate with months of study in Rome.
    • DOCTORATE IN THEOLOGY: September, 1965 to September, 1968.
    • On July 7, 1966 I was ordained a priest and joined the Vatican as part of the Sacred Congregation for Bishops until June, 1969.
      Concurrent with my doctoral studies and work in the Vatican, I served as Prefect of Studies for legionary seminarians: From 1665 to 1966 I was prefect of studies for philosophy and from 1966 to 1969 I was prefect of studies for theology.
  7. EXILE IN IRELAND: July, 1969 to December, 1970,
  8. LEAVING: I escaped from the college in Rome in a taxi on December 29, 1970.

TESTIMONY FROM THE VICTIM’S WIFE

Maria-Esther Zatarain de Gonzalez, Attorney-at-Law

Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico, May 28, 2006

To: Fr. Juan Pedro Oriol

Dear Father:

I take the liberty of writing this letter, although I do not know you personally, only because I saw your critique of the film The Da Vinci Code in the newspaper. My attention was drawn to the beginning of the article where you dedicate it to Father Marcial Maciel: a good, upright and faithful man. This description penetrated to the depths of my heart because you are not portraying this man truthfully. Is he good when he has abused more than 100 adolescent boys, and even children, whom he had recruited to religious life? Upright, when from what I know of him he has been living a double life on a permanent basis for decades? Do you believe this after all the aberrant acts of which he is so rightly accused? Faithful? To whom? To the pope who covers for him, to the Legionaries who serve and worship him, or more aptly to himself? But certainly he is neither good, nor upright, nor faithful to God. No! God saw everything he did. God cannot be mocked and God is asking him to account for his crimes. Even Maciel will have to come face to face with Him in a tribunal where neither his age nor his delicate state of health will matter. And probably very soon, precisely because his age.

I say this to you knowing perfectly well what I am talking about, since I am the wife of one of Maciel’s victims. I will briefly tell you what I have experienced as a result of this abuse, of this assassination of a pure soul, who never imagined he would find himself with a sexual pervert, who would brand him for life.

When I met my husband, approximately thirty-three years ago, I began to get to know him, I began to love him. Little by little he told me about his life. He told me in broad terms how, when he was fifteen years old (he is now sixty-five), Fr. Marcial Maciel had abused him in a school the Legionaries ran in Ontaneda, Spain. I understood that he wanted to be sincere and wanted to tell me all about his past so that we could enter into matrimony without any secrets. I already knew that he had been a priest. However, I never imagined the horrible events that drove him to abandon the priesthood, nor the consequences and long term effects they had on his personality. And so, while I certainly was disturbed and it troubled me to find out about this, we continued with our relationship, got married and everything seemed normal. However, he always seemed sad, extremely tired, and became exhausted very easily.

In the first year we were married, he developed a very serious urological condition and was on the verge of death. He spent six months as a patient in a Mexico City hospital with a horrible infection.

When that was over, he remained sad and was sick with other complaints. He suffered from serious insomnia. Entire weeks passed during which he did not sleep. He was in a permanent state of depression. Whenever he heard something regarding Fr. Maciel, he would become very nervous, very angry, lose control. His mouth would go dry, his stomach would hurt and his digestion was affected.

I understood that the illnesses and the depression were a result of the abuse, but he always fought against them and tried to overcome them so he could move on, carrying out his duties at the various jobs he had. For several years he gave courses in human relations. He later opened a consulting firm and taught as a professor at ITESO until because of his poor health and exhaustion there came a point were everything came to a halt.

After that I spent several years taking care of all the household expenses, his doctors and his medications. I had to work very hard. In addition to attending to him, caring for him, and cheering him up, I was also studying for my law degree.

On various occasions during this period, when his internal anguish led to anemia as a result of digestive problems, and insomnia, my husband sought treatment from psychologists and alternative medicine. Most of the income we had at that time went to pay the psychologist, who was not in the habit of reducing his fees and was very expensive.

So, Father, you have to realize that for someone who has been through the hell we lived through because of someone else’s fault, it is very hard to remain calm when I hear that this fiend is considered a saint, an irreproachable man, an example and guide for youth, or a good, upright and faithful man. It is not envy, Father, but rather indignation at seeing Satan’s carefully hatched plan work so well, trapping many innocents in the clutches of the perfectly disguised agent he sent dressed in lamb’s clothing (under the appearance of a saint dressed in a cassock). And it is sad to see that men of good will such as yourself have fallen prey, are unable to see because their eyes are blindfolded, and who nevertheless come to the predator’s defense, thereby becoming his accomplices.

I am an attorney and I know the difference between a witness and a victim. Maciel has simple misled you and all those who defend him into thinking he was a good person. You are, to use a legal term, hearsay witnesses. If I were you, Father, I would be careful going about praising this demon cloaked in light who calls truth a lie and lying the truth. If I were you I would investigate, ask, examine, so that when God calls you to render an account, you do not say, Well, I thought . . . Well, everyone said . . ., They were only sins of youth . . ., Many priests do the same thing and they never did anything for the Church, etc., etc. All such arguments will be useless before God.

On the other hand I want to tell you that, yes, God is good and, yes, he is faithful, and one day God had mercy on my husband and sent us a holy person who helped us get to know the Word of God, helped us make our peace with God, helped us see Jesus Christ as the only gateway to salvation and liberation. Little by little God himself, like a loving father, began binding my husband’s wounds, began healing his heart. And I can tell you with certainty that my husband has already forgiven Maciel, and even prays for him so that God may have mercy on him and help him seek repentance before it is too late.

Father, I truly wish that God imbues you with a special spirit, a spirit of revelation- that would allow you to know the truth, and that truth might set you free (as Christ said) and make you happy (as you say in your article).

Affectionately yours and with the love that Christ has put in my heart,

MarIa-Esther de Gonzalez
Attorney-at-Law

(Translation by REGAIN staff)

# # # #

[Carta original]

DE LA ESPOSA DE LA VICTIMA

* * * *

TESTIMONY FROM THE VICTIM

To Fr. Juan Pedro Oriol, LC, &
Jorge SuArez Huizar and Arturo Lucke Gracien, esquires.

I read your review of the film, The Da Vinci Code, and I am in complete agreement. However, I was struck by your comment in which, on the one hand, regarding Fr. Marcial Maciel, you refer to him as a good, upright and loyal man. On the other hand, you suggest to your readers that they always seek to discover the truth because only through truth are they made free and happy.

In the same spirit of love for the truth which you recommend, I wish to inform you that I was a priest of the Legionaries of Christ. In the twenty years devoted to work and study when I belonged to the Legion, I obtained a degree in philosophy and a doctorate in theology from the Gregorian University and was Prefect of Studies at the Legionaries of Christ College of Higher Studies in Rome.

Now in the spirit of helping you also to find the truth, I want you to know that at a young age I was a victim of outright sexual abuse, perpetrated in a deceitful and premeditated way, by Fr. Maciel. For this reason and in spite of having been ordained a priest in Rome by then Pope Paul VI [From the author’s soon to be published testimony: I was ordained a priest in July 1966 by Pope Paul VI in the Basilica of St. Peter in Rome.], I felt compelled to abandon the Legion and the priesthood, taking with me all the moral and psychological damage that you might imagine. For many years I have lived with illness, have been in danger of losing my life, and have experienced continual depression as a result of the abuse committed against my person by Fr. Maciel. Even now I am suffering from the consequences.

But this is only my story. What about the 100 or more cases reported under sworn oath to the Holy See? I have since forgiven Fr. Maciel and I hope that God enlightens him and helps him to acknowledge the grave sin he has committed against those who were his victims and their families, against society and against those Legionaries of Christ who remain members in good faith of the congregation.

I am addressing you publicly because I am outraged by such deceit, falsehood and lies, and because it pains me to know that there are so many people who refuse to accept the truth and still others who impede truth through injustice. For some reason they have a need not to want to search for the truth or to even see it. Otherwise, they would realize that, if Pope Benedict XVI felt obliged for reasons of conscience to take such drastic action against Fr. Maciel by retiring him from all public practice of his priestly ministry, it is because there was sufficient evidence for him to do so in spite of the dishonor such an act could bring to the Catholic Church, to the person of Pope John Paul II and to his own person, and in spite of the damage this could cause not only to the credibility of the Legionaries of Christ and to the Regnum Christi Movement, but also to the economic, political and social advantages these institutions bring to the Vatican and the Holy See.

It is the opinion of many thinking people that the slight punishment imposed on Fr. Maciel by the pope is the result of a conflict of interests arising out of the above-mentioned advantages the Legion provides to the Vatican and to the papacy. Therefore, instead of trying him for atrocious sexual crimes and abuse of power committed against so many young candidates for the priesthood, they have hidden him from public view so that he may live in comfortable opulence, attended by his unconditionally loyal servants from the Legion. He does so in light of the pope’s recommendation that he use his time for prayer and penitence. Fr. Maciel will need prayer and penitence because God cannot be mocked. What he needs is courage, honesty and genuine repentance in order to publicly ask for forgiveness from those he has wronged, since this is the only way to vindicate himself and his congregation, and, by so doing, compensate his victims in some slight way.

Seek the truth yourself, Father Oriol, as you advise others to do, for it is truth that will make you free and happy, as you have said. Stop being part of the Works of Darkness, believing, perhaps in good faith, that you are a bearer of truth and light.

But if anyone causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. Matthew 18, 6.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any clarification.
Francisco Gonzalez P.
Former priest of the Legionaries of Christ
Zapopan, Jalisco (Mexico)
[Phone number withheld by REGAIN editor]
(Translation by REGAIN staff)

* * * *

ITINERARIO LEGIONARIO DE 19 ANYOS DE FRANCISCO GONZALEZ PARGA:

CARRERA EN LA LEGION: Desde julio del ’51, A LOS ONCE ANYOS, hasta Diciembre del ’70

1-APOSTA LICA:
Tlalpam, MEXICO: Julio 1951 a Julio 1954
Ontaneda, SPAIN: Julio 1954 a julio 1955:

2-POSTULANTADO: Vacaciones de Verano del 1955:
3-NOVICIADO: Septiembre del ’55, a Septiembre del ’57;

4-PREFECTO DE POSTULANTES: Verano del ’57: Grupo del P. Mariano de Blas; P. Blazquez; Bonifacio Padilla; Raul de Anda,…

5-JUNIORADO: Septiembre 57 a Septiembre del ’59

6- E S T U D I O S
S U P E R I O R E S: R O M E
-FILOSOFIA: Septiembre del ’59 a Septiembre del 62;
-TEOLOGA?A: Licenciatura: Septiembre del ’62 a Septiembre del 65.
SimultAneamente Asistente del Maestro de Novicios en Irlanda del 62 al 65; alternando los meses de trabajo en el Noviciado, con los meses de Estudio en Roma.
-DOCTORADO EN TEOLOGA: Septiembre del 65 a Septiembre del ’68.
-El 7 de Julio del ’66, me ordenA de sacerdote y entre al Vaticano, a formar parte de la Sagrada CongregaciONn para las Obispos como escritor de 3er. nivel, hasta junio de 1969.
SimultAneamente a mis estudios de doctorado y trabajo en el Vaticano, desempeNA el cargo de Prefecto de Estudios de los seminaristas legionarios: en el ano 1965-66, fuI prefecto de estudios de FilosofIa; y del aNo 1966 al 69, fui prefecto de estudios de Teologia;

7-DESTIERRO [EXILE] EN IRLANDA: Julio ’69 a Diciembre del ’70;

8- SALIDA [ESCAPE]: Me escape del colegio de Roma en un taxi el 29 de Diciembre de 1970.

* * * *

VERSION ORIGINAL

[The following is the original Spanish version of the letter written by Francisco Gonzalez-Parga to a newspaper in Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico;

the below is under revision by ReGAIN at the moment: Windows messed up the original Spanish language]

MACIEL, A¿VERDAD O MENTIRA?

Al Padre Juan Pedro Oriol, LC., y
Sres. Jorge SuArez Huizar y Arturo Lucke GraciAn.

LeI su crItica de la pelIcula El CONdigo Da Vinci. Estoy de acuerdo en todo, sin embargo me llamON mucho la atenciONn su comentario del Padre Marcial Maciel al que Ud. se refiere diciendo que es Hombre bueno, Integro y fiel. Por otro lado Ud. sugiere a sus lectores que no dejen de descubrir la verdad, porque solo la verdad nos hace libres y felices.

Con ese espIritu de amor a la verdad que Ud. sugiere, quiero informarle que yo fui Sacerdote de los Legionarios de Cristo. Durante los 20 aNos de trabajo y estudio en que permanecI en la Legion, obtuve Licenciatura en Filosofia y Doctorado en Teologia por la Universidad Gregoriana y fui Prefecto de Estudios en el Colegio Maximo de los Legionarios de Cristo, en Roma.

Ahora bien, con el Animo de ayudarle a Ud. tambiAn a encontrar la verdad, quiero que sepa que fui victima a corta edad de abusos sexuales directos, perpetrados con engaNos premeditados por el Padre Maciel. Por esa causa y a pesar que fui ordenado Sacerdote en Roma por el entonces Papa Pablo VI, [Editor: Fui ordenado sacerdote en Julio de 1966 por el Papa Paulo VI, en la Basilica de San Pedro en Roma, del Testimonio del autor], me vi impulsado a abandonar la Legion y el Sacerdocio, llevando conmigo todo el daNo moral y psicologico que usted se puede imaginar y que sufrI por muchos aNos al grado de vivir enfermo, con peligro de perder la vida y con depresiones continuas, como consecuencia del abuso cometido contra mi persona por el Padre Maciel y aUn en la actualidad sufro las consecuencias.

Pero ese es solo mi caso, A¿quA hay de los otros cien (100) o mas casos reportados bajo juramento por escrito a la Santa Sede? Yo perdonA ya al P. Maciel, y espero que Dios lo ilumine y lo ayude a reconocer su grave pecado cometido contra quienes han sido sus vIctimas y sus familias, contra la sociedad y contra los mismos Legionarios de Cristo que de buena fe permanecen en la Congregacion.

Y si me dirijo a Ud. publicamente es porque me da en cara tanto engano, falsedad y mentira y me duele que haya tantas personas que renuncian a conocer la verdad, y otras aUn, que detienen con injusticia la verdad. Porque se necesita no querer buscar la verdad, o incluso no querer verla por algun interes creado, para no darse cuenta que si el Papa Benedicto XVI se vio obligado, por razones de conciencia, a tomar una medida drAstica contra el P. Maciel y a retirarlo de toda prActica publica del ministerio sacerdotal, es porque constato suficiente evidencia para hacerlo, a pesar de la deshonra a la que exponIa con ese acto a la Iglesia Catolica, a la persona del Papa Juan Pablo II y a su misma persona, y a pesar del daNo que podIa causar, tanto a la credibilidad de la congregacion de los Legionarios de Cristo y del Movimiento Regnum Christi, como a las ventajas economicas, polIticas y sociales que estas instituciones le aportan al Vaticano y a la Santa Sede.

Es de la opinion de mucha gente pensante que el leve castigo otorgado por el Papa al Padre Maciel, se debe al conflicto de intereses, dadas las ventajas mencionadas que representan los Legionarios de Cristo para el Vaticano y para el Papado. Por eso en vez de juzgarlo por los atroces crImenes de homosexualidad y abuso de poder cometidos contra tantos jovenes candidatos al sacerdocio, simplemente lo escondieron de la vista pUblica para que viva comodamente en la opulencia y atendido por servidores incondicionales dentro de la LegiONn, aunque con la recomendacion por parte del Papa para que aproveche su tiempo para orar y hacer penitencia. Lo va a necesitar, porque Dios no puede ser burlado y se necesita valentIa, honestidad y un genuino arrepentimiento para pedir perdon publicamente a las personas que ofendio pues es lo Unico que podrIa reivindicar al Padre Maciel y a la congregacion y asi resarcir de alguna manera a sus victimas.

Busque Ud. la Verdad, Padre, de acuerdo a lo que aconseja, ya que la Verdad lo hara verdaderamente libre y feliz como usted dice. No siga participando en las obras de las tinieblas, pensando quiza de buena fe que es portador de luz y de verdad.
Y cualquiera que haga tropezar a alguno de estos pequenos que creen en mI, mejor le fuera, que se le atase una piedra de molino al cuello y que se le arrojase en lo profundo del mar (Mateo 18, 6).

Estoy a sus ordenes para cualquier aclaracion.
Francisco Gonzalez P.

Ex Sacerdote de los Legionarios de Cristo
Zapopan, Jal.
[Numero telefonico no revelado por ReGAIN]

Vatican orders all Heralds of the Gospel boarding schools to be Closed!

Heralds like XX Century Knight Templars

The students are to be sent home to their families

https://www.ncronline.org/news/accountability/vatican-wants-boarding-schools-run-heralds-gospel-be-closed?fbclid=IwAR3MV3RCyG7dRKEuGHaBsBDA8jLiCjyIU4aziuQphhJdV-vSFE1uHpZ057s

I Never Told Anyone Before: Testimony former member of Catholic Coercive Control Group

I Never Told Anyone Before…

I never told anyone that before: Testimony of Former Catholic Cult-like Group Member

Contributor >  OpusLivreOpus Dei info
> In Portuguese  >  Testimonials

(Translated from the Portuguese)

Here goes my testimony (veeeeeeeery long):

First, I want to thank all those who had the idea to create this site (Opus Libros). Can you measure exactly the amount of good you do to so many souls out there?

I speak for myself, but I’m sure many people benefit from the content of Opus Livre (Opus Libros, Opus Books)

I also want to congratulate the authors of the book “Opus Dei, os Bastidores” (Opus Dei, behind the Scenes) for so much courage and lucidity. The relevance of this book is immense and, I believe, it helps bring peace to many people who have gone through Opus Dei, as in my case.

Until I had knowledge of the book and access to the site, which only happened two weeks ago, I lived for years of my life thinking that I was the only dissenting number, because I had never read anything so real about it. So, I just have to thank you, because I felt a great relief to see that I’m normal, contrary to what the people at Opus Dei wanted to make me to believe in their mean and harmful norms.

I’m going to spare names out of respect for people. I don’t know if they disappeared or not. Anyway, they deserve respect.

I was 15 years old and recently completed middle school,  with very little life experience when I found the Jacamar University Center, (Sao Paulo, Brazil) still at Al. Joaquim Eugênio de Lima in the mid-1970s. I’m from an upper middle-class family, practicing Catholics, college educated parents. To top it off, at the height of my 15 years I was very cute, friendly, although shy, affable and, of course, docile and naïve regarding everything, besides having an immense desire to change the world, do good, be recognized, have friends.

A sister of mine, a year older than me, was the one who took me downtown, invited by a friend from our high school. But I didn’t know anything about Opus Dei, imagine… I arrived on a Sunday, I liked the place, everyone was cheerful and friendly. It was carnival, had a lively little party, I liked the weather. But on the first day some things caught my eye. First, that bunch of women (only women, of course, which I found strange) wearing skirts at a time that few wore … for me it was very weird. Then I noticed that they all had more or less the same manner, the same hair, the same way of expressing themselves. Now, what caused me the most strangeness (but not necessarily in a bad sense at that moment) was when a girl -I had never seen a fatter one in my life- took me aside and said that she really liked me (this about 2 hours after we met for the first time ), and that she wanted to be my friend. Only later did I understand that she was a Numerary (consecrated member) doing her apostolate(mission work) any way she could, as is the custom in The Work (Spanish, La Obra, as the members call it). Anyway, this girl was 5 years older than me, and I was very happy that she approached me and filled me with compliments. I thought it was great for her to want to know so much about me and to have been so interested in me (I almost had no friends, i was very shy and closeted at home). I remember we went out a few times to have coffee, eat sweets, talk. That was really cool. But then the spiritual practices began, which also sounded strange, exaggerated, even though I was used to going to mass, praying.

Anyway, 5 and a half months after having gone to Jacamar the first time, this same girl takes me aside, in one of those conversations, and asks me if I had never thought about becoming a part of The Work (she was already living in the center and told me that she had joined Opus Dei). She asked what I thought of it, I was kind of not sure what to say, but I thought it was weird. Faced with the question about my vocation, I faltered, I didn’t know what to answer, I had no idea what that meant, and, with no idea what to say, “I don’t know, I never thought much, but I also thought, I don’t know.” Then she insisted and said that she thought I had a vocation, that everyone at the center thought it, that I had to give my life to God, that I wouldn’t regret it. He said I should find it as great as I was 15 to know why I was born, that I was chosen by God. I was a little astonished, but I let myself be persuaded (I was really very silly) and said yes I had thought about what it was like to be “on the other side” like her.

Then, on the spot, I had the “great vision” about my vocation… I was very afraid to go ahead because I knew it meant I wouldn’t get married. I was distressed, but I didn’t discuss this with anyone. In conversations, they made me believe that this was a minor thing compared to my  “divine” choice. Well, then all the rules and rules started, and I learned several things: first I had to wear skirts always (which for me was absolutely unnatural), that I could not go to the movies or the theater (something else that shocked me a lot), that for everything I had to ask permission of the center, which had to give me money if I needed it, wear the cilice (spiked garter around the thigh) and whip myself with the discipline (hard knotted whip) and do my apostolate (outreach work). I was very bad at trying to convince others, to this day I am, especially when I’m not quite convinced of what I want to sell; so, I was always pretty weak as regards convincing others, But they made it clear to me what kind of “friend” (recruit) the center  was interested in: the well-settled and the family with money. And I thought we were going to be holy in the middle of the world, being a normal person, with normal friends… but changing the way I dressed, changing my habits, this was all unnatural to me. I drew a lot of attention at school, at home, everyone came to think I was weird. That was horrible!! I didn’t feel worldly. I was shocked to learn that The Work was all about that. After all, I had dreamed of being normal, wearing pants, going to the movies. Now I was crying because I had been “chosen”. I  hated my destiny …

But what really shocked me in Opus Dei, this pseudo-work of God, was another story (neither the cilice and discipline were that hard!). My sister who put me in touch with the university the center (look at the irony) has a disease called neurofibromatosis. Those who suffer from the problem have skin full of fibromas. You can imagine that these people suffer prejudice and have low self-esteem. Because one day, I don’t even remember if I was already from The Work, one of the numeraries, using second-rate psychology, “washed her hands” on my sister’s case. She said that she was a very strange person, full of nervous tics and problems, who had probably gotten a lot from my father as a child and that she needed treatment. And, of course, unfortunately The Work could do nothing for her. Since that day – I never learned what happened exactly in the conversation between the numerary and my sister – my sister was left abandoned in the center, until eventually she stopped going. What’s more, she developed a huge, huge anger for the place, to the point of ridiculing me because I started dressing like the people there and fighting with me every time I went to Jacamar. On the other hand, another of my sisters, two years older than me, good-looking, “whistled”(joined) around the same time as me. It was really hard to hear that about my sister. It’s been 30 years since this happened, and to this day I remember details of what the numerary told me.

Another shock: my mother, although Catholic, hated the center and Opus Dei. She’d do anything to get me out of there, telling me they manipulated me, that they were Francoists (Fascists). I fought a lot with her over The Work and, at the top of my 15 years, the more she contradicted me, the more I wanted to go to Jacamar. Well, because of that, I couldn’t afford to donate to the Work, which was charging me. My contribution was so little that one day I was advised to open my mother’s wallet and open it behind her back. God would understand, according to the director of the center. And so it was that in my teenage years I stole from my mother several times, just to please the directors.

Another shock was when I went to take the university entrance exam. Without asking, I registered for the journalism course at PUC and Liberal Arts at USP. With the registration already made, my directors said that Journalism was a course disapproved by The Work and PUC, so no way! That I should only study Liberal Arts. Actually, what I really wanted most was journalism. So, at the end of high school, I gave in and passed Liberal Arts. I told the people at the center that my directors had recommended I drop out of college. I went secretly to the university center for some (journalism) classes. I enjoyed it a lot; that’s what I wanted. I had passed without having to take the introductory course, but my superiors did not let me move on, despite my arguments. They said it was a very politicized subject, that it was not good for a daughter of God. Very depressed, I was forced to lie to my parents and myself, telling them I no longer wanted that course and that I would present Liberal Arts. My parents wouldn’t let me drop out of college, registered me for the course and paid a year of school for me – I did it unwillingly, not wanting to get into Liberal Arts; I was missing more times than I attended; I skipped…

By that time, my relationship with The Work and God had already gone up in smoke, but I tried to keep up appearances somehow. I was depressed.  I had terrible headaches. I made my parents worry about me. They took me to doctors. I was in pain, I was confined to bed, sleeping a lot, not wanting to take the phone calls from the center staff. I didn’t tell anyone my anguish, much less to the numeraries,  who should have been my sisters at this point!

Finally, I got involved with a boy… I was almost 19, but I was still attached to the center. One day I told the numerary who was taking care of me what was going on and she wanted to know in detail how far I had gone with the young man. And all the details! And as I was explaining to her, she was turning into a monster, muttering, almost drooling. She was very interested in the content of my story, and at the same time she seemed to feel very angry that I had experienced it and she, at least as far as I knew, had never experienced it. She was not satisfied with my answers. She backed me to the wall in a crazy conversation, which I never forgot, interrogating me. At the end of the conversation, she called me a whore, told me I dressed like a whore (just because on this day I had a blouse with a shorter sleeves) and even spit in my face, disgusted by me. Weakened, I cried a lot, I went to confess with a priest of Opus Dei (who also wanted to know all the details), I asked God’s forgiveness, I just cried. Obviously, I didn’t want to belong to The Work anymore, but I didn’t know how to leave. I was full of guilt; they told me of all the horrors that affect those who leave their vocation. My sister who had joined had already left well before me, without commenting on me. That was terrible too, in a conversation about it! At the center, I was told that she had no vocation, that this was happening. They insisted on me for a while, but gradually they gave up, too.

They didn’t want me there anymore, and I didn’t want them. I had with me material from The Work (books, pamphlets) and I was ready to return them if I were asked. A numerary agreed to meet with me in a church and gave me the message: “You no longer belong to The Work.” I felt a mixture of relief and guilt with the expulsion. She treated me with a certain pity, as if I were a poor thing, but she didn’t give me much satisfaction regarding the reasons for the expulsion. It was all very informal, actually. She said that at that moment what she and The Work could do for me would be to give me guidance so that I would not “fall away” too steeply;  so that I could secure my salvation. She arranged for me to meet me the next week for a new conversation. And she said she’d give that assistance for a while. On the day arranged, I went to the agreed place and there I waited for the girl, who not only did not show up but never gave me an explanation – neither she nor anyone else from the Work. As I had sinned gravely in the eyes of Opus Dei (I had only exchanged a few caresses with the boyfriend, had not lost my virginity!) but now I was considered garbage, a fifth-rate human being, and they probably came to the conclusion that no one should waste time with me anymore. The friend who “discovered” my vocation I never saw again; she moved from the Opus house.  This distancing for me also made me very bad,  a broken link suddenly in such a complicated phase of my life. Since that day in 1979 I have never had any further contact with Opus Dei. (In fact, I always run away from the topic when someone touches on it. I’m so very afraid they’d learn about my past.)

Anyway, years have passed. I married; I have two children, many friends. I am a professional of respect in the area I chose. But Opus Dei is a rock in the middle of my path. I dreamed years of this Work. I still dream, and never, not even once have I been able to talk about my experience with someone – not with my best friends, not with my parents, nor with my sisters (not even with the one who, like me, joined one day), nor before the therapists I’ve seen, nor with my husband. I look at my kids, still children, and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to talk to them about it either. It is very distressing to keep this secret. I have crises to this day with this and, in front of this picture, I imagine how much relief the site has given me. I see there are other people in the same boat. Deep down, I’d really like to be able to talk in person with a former member of The Work, someone with enough lucidity to exchange ideas with me about my anguish and help me erase this terrible ghost once and for all. Is that possible?

Thank you so much for your attention, from the bottom of my heart.

A sisterly embrace,

===================

Original Brazilian Portuguese:

Jamais eu tinha contado isso a alguém

Contributor > OpusLivre
Opus Dei info > Em português > Testemunhos

Pois então aí vai meu depoimento (loooonguíssimo!!):

Primeiro quero agradecer a todos os que tiveram a idéia de criar este site. Será que vocês têm a dimensão exata do bem que fazem a tantas almas por aí?

Falo por mim, mas tenho certeza de que muitas pessoas se beneficiam do conteúdo do Opus Livre.

Quero também parabenizar os autores do livro “Opus Dei, Os Bastidores” por tanta coragem e lucidez. A pertinência deste livro é imensa e, creio eu, ajuda a trazer paz a muita gente que passou pelo Opus Dei – meu caso.

Até ter conhecimento do livro e acesso ao site, o que só aconteceu há duas semanas, vivi anos da minha vida achando que eu era a única numerária dissidente, pois eu nunca havia lido nada tão real sobre o assunto por aí. Então só tenho mesmo a agradecer, porque senti um alívio imenso de ver que sou normal, ao contrário do que as pessoas do Opus Dei quiseram me fazer acreditar com suas normas insanas e nefastas.

Vou poupar nomes em respeito às pessoas. Não sei se elas “desapitaram” ou não. De qualquer forma, merecem respeito.

Eu tinha 15 anos recém-completados e pouquíssima experiência de vida quando conheci o Centro Universitário Jacamar, ainda na Al. Joaquim Eugênio de Lima, em meados da década de 1970. Sou de uma família classe média alta, católicos praticantes, pais universitários. Para completar, no auge dos meus 15 anos era bem bonitinha, simpática, embora tímida, afável e, claro, dócil e ingênua de tudo, além de ter uma imensa vontade de mudar o mundo, fazer o bem, ser reconhecida, ter amigos.

Uma irmã, um ano mais velha do que eu, foi quem me levou ao centro, convidada por uma amiga do nosso colégio, já numerária. Mas eu nada sabia de Opus Dei, imagina… Eu cheguei num domingo, gostei do lugar, era todo mundo alegre e simpático. Era carnaval, tinha uma festinha animada, gostei do clima. Mas já no primeiro dia algumas coisas me chamaram a atenção. Primeiro, aquele bando de mulheres (só mulheres, claro, o que já achei estranho) usando saias numa época que poucas usavam… pra mim era muito esquisito. Depois reparei que todas tinham mais ou menos o mesmo jeito, o mesmo cabelo, o mesmo modo de se expressar. Agora, o que mais me causou estranhamento (mas não necessariamente para o mal naquele momento) foi quando uma moça que eu nunca havia visto mais gorda na vida me chamou para um canto e disse que havia gostado muito (isso com umas 2 horas de convívio apenas) de mim e que queria ser minha amiga. Só depois é que fui entender que se tratava de uma numerária fazendo apostolado de forma acintosa, como é de praxe na Obra. Enfim, essa moça era 5 anos mais velha do que eu e fiquei muito feliz por ela ter se aproximado de mim e me enchido de elogios. Achei o máximo ela querer saber tanto de mim e ter se interessado tanto por mim (eu quase não tinha amigas, era muito tímida e fechada em casa). Lembro que saímos algumas vezes para tomar café, comer doces, conversar. Aquilo era muito legal. Mas aí começaram as práticas espirituais, que também me soavam estranhas, exageradas, embora eu estivesse acostumada a ir à missa, a rezar. Enfim, 5 meses e meio depois de ter ido à primeira vez ao Jacamar, essa mesma moça que chama para um canto, numa daquelas nossas conversas, e me pergunta se eu nunca tinha pensado em ser da Obra (ela já estava morando no centro e me contou que havia entrado para o Opus Dei. Perguntou o que eu achava daquilo, fiquei meio sem saber o que dizer, mas achei esquisito). Diante da pergunta sobre minha vocação, vacilei, não sabia o que responder, não tinha a menor idéia do que aquilo significava e, sem ter idéia do que dizer disse “mais ou menos, sei lá, nunca pensei muito, mas também já pensei, não sei”. Aí ela insistiu e disse que achava que eu tinha vocação, que todo mundo no centro achava, que eu tinha de entregar minha vida a Deus, que eu não me arrependeria. Disse que eu deveria achar o máximo com apenas 15 anos saber por que motivo eu havia nascido, que eu era escolhida por Deus. Fiquei meio pasma, mas entrei no discurso dela (eu era realmente muito tonta) e disse que já tinha pensado sim em como era estar ‘do outro lado’, como ela. Aí, pronto, tive a “grande visão” a respeito da minha vocação… Tive muito medo de ir em frente, porque sabia que não podia casar, fiquei meio aflita, mas não comentei com ninguém. Nas conversas, fizeram-me acreditar que isso era uma coisa menor diante da escolha “divina”. Bem, aí começaram todas as normas e regras e tomei conhecimento de várias coisas: primeiro que tinha de usar saias sempre (o que pra mim era absolutamente antinatural), que não podia ir ao cinema nem ao teatro (outra coisa que me chocou muito), que para tudo tinha de pedir permissão ao centro, que tinha de dar dinheiro, usar o cilício e as disciplinas e fazer apostolado de qualquer jeito. Eu era muito ruim nisso de tentar convencer os outros, até hoje sou, especialmente quando não estou bem convencida do que quero vender, por isso sempre fui bem fraca de apostolado. Enfim, mas deixaram claro para mim que tipo de amiga interessava ao centro: as bem resolvidas e as de família com grana. E eu que achava que a gente ia ser santo no meio do mundo, sendo uma pessoa normal, com amigos normais… mudar o jeito de vestir, mudar meus hábitos, isso tudo era pra mim antinatural, eu chamava muita atenção na escola, em casa, todos passaram a me achar esquisita. Isso foi horrível!! Não me sentia do mundo, tive um choque ao saber que a Obra era isso. No final, sonhava em ser normal, usar calça, ir ao cinema, chorava porque eu havia sido “escolhida” , tinha ódio do meu destino…

Mas o que me chocou mesmo no Opus Dei, essa pseudo-obra de Deus, foi uma outra história (nem o cilício e a disciplina me doeram tanto!). A minha irmã que me fez conhecer o centro (vejam a ironia) tem uma doença chamada neurofibromatose. Quem sofre do problema tem a pele cheia de fibromas. Dá para imaginar que essas pessoas sofrem preconceito e têm baixa auto-estima. Pois um dia, nem me lembro mais se eu já era da Obra, uma das numerárias, se valendo de uma psicologia de quinta categoria, “lavou as mãos” sobre o caso da minha irmã. Disse que ela era uma pessoa muito esquisita, cheia de tiques nervosos e problemas, que provavelmente tinha apanhado muito do meu pai quando criança e que ela precisava se tratar. E, claro, que infelizmente a Obra não poderia fazer nada por ela. Desde esse dia – eu nunca soube o que aconteceu na conversa entre a numerária e a minha irmã – minha irmã ficou largada às traças no centro, até que deixou de ir. E mais: ficou com uma raiva enorme, imensa do lugar, a ponto de me ridicularizar porque eu passei a me vestir como as pessoas de lá e a brigar comigo toda vez que eu ia ao Jacamar. Em compensação, uma outra irmã, dois anos mais velha do que eu, de boa aparência, apitou mais ou menos na mesma época que eu. Foi muito duro ouvir aquilo sobre minha irmã. Faz 30 anos que isso aconteceu e até hoje me lembro detalhes do que a numerária me falou. Outro choque: minha mãe, apesar de católica, odiava o centro e o Opus Dei. Fazia de tudo para me tirar de lá, dizia que me manipulavam, que eram franquistas. Briguei muito com ela por causa da Obra e, no alto dos meus 15 anos, quanto mais ela me contrariava, mais eu queria ir ao Jacamar. Bem, por causa disso, não conseguia dinheiro para dar à Obra, que me cobrava. Minha contribuição era tão pouca que um dia me aconselharam a abrir a carteira da minha mãe e pegar sem ela perceber. Deus entenderia, segundo a diretora do centro. E assim foi que na minha adolescência furtei minha mãe várias vezes, apenas para agradar às diretoras.

Outro choque foi quando fui prestar vestibular. Sem perguntar nada, fiz inscrição para o curso de Jornalismo na PUC e de Letras na USP. Com a inscrição já feita, disseram que Jornalismo era um curso reprovado pela Obra e a PUC, então, nem pensar! Que eu só deveria prestar Letras. Na verdade, o que eu mais queria era Jornalismo mesmo. Então, ao acabar o colégio, prestei e passei. Contei ao pessoal do centro, elas me disseram para largar a faculdade. Cheguei a ir escondido do centro em algumas aulas, gostei muito, era o que eu queria, havia passado sem precisar fazer cursinho, mas não me deixaram seguir em frente, apesar dos meus argumentos. Diziam que era um curso muito politizado, que aquilo não era bom para uma filha de Deus. Muito deprimida, fui obrigada a mentir aos meus pais e a mim mesma, dizendo que não queria mais aquele curso e que iria prestar Letras. Meus pais não me deixaram largar a faculdade, trancaram o curso e pagaram um ano de cursinho para mim – fiz a contragosto, não querendo entrar na Letras, mais faltava do que ia, matava aula etc. Nessa altura, minha relação com a Obra e com Deus já tinha ido para o espaço, mas eu tentava manter as aparências de alguma forma. Tive depressão, sentia dores de cabeça terríveis, fiz meus pais se preocuparem comigo, me levarem em médicos, exagerava nas dores, vivia trancada na cama, dormindo, sem querer atender aos telefonemas do pessoal do centro. Não contava para ninguém minhas angústias, muito menos para as numerárias, que deveriam ser a essa altura minhas irmãs! Por fim, me envolvi com um rapaz… tinha quase 19 anos, mas ainda não havia me desligado do centro. Contei um dia à numerária que me atendia o que estava acontecendo e ela quis saber em detalhes até onde eu tinha chegado com o moço. Mas detalhes mesmo! E conforme eu ia contando ela ia se transformando num monstro, falando entre dentes, quase babando. Tinha enorme interesse naquilo que eu contava, e, ao mesmo tempo, parecia sentir muita raiva por eu ter experimentado aquilo e ela, ao menos até onde eu sabia, não ter passado por isso. Não se contentava com minhas respostas, me encostou na parede numa conversa alucinada, que nunca mais esqueci, dirigindo minhas respostas. Ao fim da conversa, me chamou de puta, disse que eu me vestia como uma puta (só porque neste dia estava com uma blusa com uma manguinha mais curta) e chegou a cuspir no meu rosto, com nojo de mim. Fragilizada, chorei muito, fui me confessar com um padre do Opus Dei (que também quis saber todos os detalhes), pedi perdão a Deus, me acabei de chorar. Óbvio que não queria mais ser da Obra, mas não sabia como, tinha muita culpa, me falavam de todos os horrores que acometem quem deixa a vocação. Minha irmã que havia apitado já tinha saído bem antes de mim, sem nada comentar comigo. Isso também foi terrível, numa conversamos sobre isso! No centro, me disseram que ela não tinha vocação, que isso acontecia. Insistiram um tempo comigo, mas aos poucos largaram mão também. Não me queriam mais lá, nem eu a eles. Eu tinha comigo um material da Obra (livros, folhetos) e me prontifiquei a devolvê-los, tal qual me solicitavam. Uma numerária marcou comigo numa igreja e me deu o recado: “Você não é mais da Obra”. Senti um misto de alívio e culpa com a expulsão. Ela me tratou com certa pena, como se eu fosse uma coitada, mas não me deu muita satisfação dos motivos da expulsão. Foi tudo muito informal, na verdade. Disse que naquele momento o que ela e a Obra poderiam fazer por mim seria me dar uma orientação para que eu não ‘caísse’ mais tão fundo, para que eu garantisse minha salvação. Então ela combinou comigo de me encontrar na semana seguinte, para nova conversa. E disse que daria essa assistência por um tempo. No dia, fui ao local marcado e lá fiquei a esperar a moça, que não só não apareceu como nunca me deu uma satisfação – nem ela nem ninguém da Obra. Como eu havia pecado gravemente ao olhos do Opus Dei (só havia trocado umas carícias com o namorado, não tinha nem deixado de ser virgem!) havia me tornado um lixo, um ser humano de quinta categoria, e provavelmente chegaram à conclusão de que ninguém deveria mais perder tempo comigo. A tal amiga que ‘descobriu’ minha vocação eu nunca mais vi, ela mudou de centro, essa distância para mim também me fez muito mal, foi um elo quebrado de repente numa fase tão complicada da minha vida. Desde esse dia, de 1979, nunca mais tive nenhum contato com o Opus Dei (aliás, sempre fujo do tema quando por acaso alguém toca nele, tenho muito medo que saibam do meu passado.)

Enfim, anos se passaram, casei, tenho dois filhos, muitos amigos, sou uma profissional de respeito na área que escolhi. Mas o Opus Dei é uma pedra no meio do meu caminho. Sonhei anos com essa Obra, ainda sonho, e nunca, mas nunca mesmo, consegui falar disso com alguém – nem com meus melhores amigos, nem com meus pais, nem com minhas irmãs (nem com a que apitou um dia), nem diante dos terapeutas que fui, nem com meu marido. Olho meus filhos, ainda crianças, e acho que nunca vou conseguir falar sobre isso com eles também. É muito angustiante ter esse segredo, tenho crises até hoje com isso e, diante desse quadro, imagino o quanto de alívio o site me proporcionou. Vejo que há outras pessoas no mesmo barco. No fundo, gostaria mesmo de poder conversar pessoalmente com um ex-membro da Obra, alguém com lucidez suficiente para trocar idéias comigo sobre minhas angústias e me ajudar a apagar de vez esse terrível fantasma. Será que isso é possível?

Muito obrigada pela atenção, de coração.

Um abraço fraterno

C.P.

 

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