El Archivo Negro de los Heraldos del Evangelio

Cuando empezaron a circular vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres decidieron reunirse, compartir sus preocupaciones y acudir a la justicia civil, apoyados por decenas de testimonios de maltrato, alienación parental, abuso psicológico y sexual,
psicológica y sexual.

 

El Uniforme de los Heraldos:

 

La Marcha de los Heraldos del Evangelio:

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=UMRleyRS&id=BD43E02291F1DF68F25C8951861EB1639DC30D4F&thid=OIP.UMRleyRSIAfmmFC_Xwx53gHaEK&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fi.ytimg.com%2fvi%2fyj6ZUwRA-HI%2fmaxresdefault.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.50c4657b24522007e69850bf5f0c79de%3frik%3dTw3DnWOxHoZRiQ%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=720&expw=1280&q=los+heraldos+del+evangelio&simid=608050520685695584&FORM=IRPRST&ck=A3AB376795BC9E829C9C5F28BE88872E&selectedIndex=45

El Archivo Negro de los Heraldos

Vidas heridas para siempre

Cuando empezaron a circular vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres decidieron reunirse, compartir sus preocupaciones y acudir a la justicia civil, apoyados por decenas de testimonios de maltrato, alienación parental, abuso psicológico y sexual,
psicológica y sexual.

¿Qué ocurre realmente en los “castillos” de los Heraldos del Evangelio? Tras la publicación de los vídeos de exorcismos en 2017, los padres se dan cuenta de que sus hijos son objeto de comportamientos abusivos. El 14 de junio de 2018, una quincena de ellos envió un documento de treinta y siete páginas al Ministerio Público de Caieiras, en el que cuarenta y seis personas describían lo que habían vivido, abusos sexuales para cuatro de ellos. Los demás hablaron de malos tratos, alienación parental y abusos psicológicos. Un testimonio menciona una muerte sospechosa presentada como un suicidio. El 6 de mayo de 2019, padres de familia y ex integrantes de los Heraldos presentaron quejas ante la secretaría de la Secretaría de Educación del Distrito Federal y exigieron que se tomen medidas sobre el acceso de los Heraldos a las escuelas públicas de la capital donde realizan reclutamiento.

“Poseído por espíritus”

Los testimonios recogidos no dejan lugar a dudas sobre la gravedad de los hechos. Ahora tiene 20 años, L. S. se unió a los Heraldos a la edad de 10 años. “Mi vida dio un vuelco cuando la gente que vivía en
Mi vida dio un vuelco cuando personas que vivían en castillos y llevaban hermosos vestidos vinieron a decirme que, entre millones de personas en el mundo, la Virgen me había elegido para ser una de sus niñas favoritas. Pasa cinco años en el castillo de Serra de Cantareira, donde la vida se rige por el Ordo, un conjunto de reglas muy estrictas, “que sirven para normalizar las mentes y crear robots”. Cuando cuestiona las razones de estas normas, la miran con recelo y la someten a un primer exorcismo. “Dijeron que estaba poseído por espíritus. Tuve que beber aceite y me llevaron a un cura (…) Me sentí mal por todo el aceite que había ingerido. Dedujeron que era una manifestación del diablo y me sometieron a otra sesión de exorcismo. Cuando empezó a tener problemas psicológicos, la joven de 15 años fue devuelta a su familia.

Fue a los 7 años cuando A.B. se unió al movimiento en 2015 y obtuvo una beca. Demasiado apegada a sus padres biológicos, es objeto de críticas. En 2018, los problemas de relación son tan graves entre los Heraldos y su madre, que impidió que su hija recibiera el hábito, que vuelve con sus padres.

la vocación a los 12 años

El destino de B.P. era diferente. A los 11 años, tras pasar varios meses en el proyecto Futuro y Vida1, obtuvo una beca. Después del primer año de internado, participó en actividades durante los fines de semana y las vacaciones, y las visitas a sus padres se hicieron raras. A los 12 años, dijo a sus padres que tenía que prepararse para la vida religiosa. A los 18 años, llamó a su madre y le dijo que no interfiriera en sus decisiones. Durante una visita a su familia, envía un mensaje diciendo que está prisionera, la policía llega a petición de los Heraldos. El caso fue desestimado, y la chica (que ahora tiene 23 años) sigue con los Heraldos del Evangelio.
Una joven canadiense, que vino a Brasil a estudiar con los Heraldos, acusó a Joao Cla Dias de abusos sexuales. En una carta, dice que a los 12 años le tocó los pechos y las nalgas, y la besó. En 2014, con 22 años, consiguió apartarlo del movimiento. Ahora tiene 27 años y su se ha registrado una queja.

Otra niña, S., entró en los Heraldos a los 12 años, donde, en lugar de estudiar, tiene que aprender de memoria textos de Joao Cla Dias y Plinio Correa de Oliveira. Al igual que otros, se vio obligada a hacer sus “votos”, como si fuera una persona adulta y responsable. Cuando su salud se deteriora, su madre, Flavia Silva Nascimento, cuenta cómo consiguió sacar a su hija a los 17 años, cómo se escapó dos veces, antes de darse cuenta de lo atrasada que estaba en sus estudios. La propia chica da testimonio de la adoración por Joao Cla, que alcanza niveles extremos. Bebió, y otros con ella, el agua que supuestamente utilizó para lavarse, como le dijeron sus superiores2.

Otro caso es especialmente dramático: el de Alex Ribeiro, drogado y encerrado en una clínica psiquiátrica, que cuenta su historia. Originario de la ciudad de Sao Carlos (estado de Sao Paulo), se unió al movimiento de la Propiedad Familiar de la Tradición a la edad de 15 años y continuó con los Heraldos, donde trabajó como laico. Su misión, que le llevará a Portugal e Italia, es recaudar fondos. Besó los pies de Joao Cla Dias, “besos sagrados” dados al líder para recibir el perdón3 , participó en la ceremonia de la “santa esclavitud “4 . Tras dieciocho años de sumisión, fue internado a la fuerza a los 32 años en una clínica para drogadictos en la ciudad de Jundiai (estado de Sao Paulo) tras un ataque de ansiedad, sin que su familia fuera informada. Estaba bajo los efectos de potentes drogas, pero consiguió salir cuando su hermana descubrió su paradero. Tiene 41 años y sigue luchando contra su calvario personal.

A veces las cosas van más allá… El 27 de julio de 2016, una joven de 26 años, Livia Natsue Salvador Uchida, que ingresó en los Heraldos a los 14 años, fue encontrada muerta tras caer desde la ventana de su habitación en el cuarto piso del castillo de Serra da Cantareira (estado de Sao Paulo). Estaba limpiando, según las explicaciones dadas a su madre Zélia, que recogió información tras acudir al lugar de los hechos, pero que nunca tuvo acceso a los archivos de las cámaras instaladas en el lugar. Su hija murió por la mañana, pero se llamó al Servicio de Emergencia Móvil hacia las 12.30 y a la policía a las 17 horas. Un agente de policía le dice que fue un accidente y que lo acepte. Zélia contrata a un primer abogado que abandona el caso a los tres meses, y luego a un segundo que desiste al cabo de un año. La muerte de Livia se describe como un posible suicidio. Desde entonces, Livia es considerada una santa, se conservan reliquias e incluso hay medallones con su imagen. Para Zélia, esto es una distracción: “Creo que lo hacen para tapar algo”.

1 “Futuro y vida”: una falsa lotería organizada por los Heraldos para acercarse a los niños, ofreciéndoles música, arte y otras actividades recreativas gratuitas durante los fines de semana.
los fines de semana. Después de varias semanas, los seleccionados reciben becas para estudiar en una de sus escuelas.

2. El informe enviado en 2017 al Vaticano por un antiguo miembro de los Heraldos, hace referencia a la veneración hacia Joao Cla Dias. “Todo lo que tocaba se convertía en una reliquia codiciada, ya fueran toallas, vasos, platos, envoltorios de caramelos que solía tirar por la ventana de su piso particular o el agua en la que sus devotas hijas de la Segunda Orden lavaban su ropa”. Por “Segunda Orden” se entiende las mujeres consagradas (Regina Virginum), siendo la Primera Orden la rama masculina (Virgo Flos Carmeli). También están los llamados “Terciarios”, que se adhieren a los Heraldos, se consagran a María como esclavos, pero no viven internamente.

3. En uno de los vídeos publicados en 2017, se ve a una adolescente obligada a besar los pies de Joao Cla Dias.

4. Santa esclavitud: véase la p. 19

Sitios de referencia:

EXEA, antes Heraldos del Evangelio, lugar de encuentro y apoyo a las víctimas de abusos, que recoge historias y experiencias, https://exae.com.br

L’Envers du décor, un sitio creado por Xavier Léger, que formaba parte de la Congregación de los Legionarios de Cristo (1999-2006). Véase en particular: “Cómo llegan los niños a los castillos”, “Lavado de cerebro y separación de la familia” https://lenversdudecor.org

Testimonios:

– https ://istoe.com.br/os-arautos-do-anticristo – https ://www.metropoles.com/materias- especiais/arautos-do-evangelho-os-segredos- escondidos-nos-castelos-do-grupo-catolico

 

Resources and Upcoming USA Events for ex-members who joined -or were born in- Harmful Groups, friends and family

Portland (OR)

Stronger: Recovery from Spiritual Abuse and High-Control Groups

A one-day conference sponsored by the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA). Workshop facilitators are educators and counselors who are knowledgeable and experienced with the unique trauma inflicted by spiritual abuse and the challenge of recovery from it. Workshops will provide an opportunity for dialogue regarding spiritual abuse with a view towards understanding, recovery, and support. There will also be a workshop for survivors who were born and raised in abusive groups. Please join us for a relaxed, informative day, and meet other survivors. You’re not the only one, and you’re not alone!  All are welcome.

Saturday, September 21st, 2019, 9am-4pm

McMenamins Kennedy School, Portland, Oregon

Fee: $25 (includes lunch) – Register Online

Agenda

Speakers

Abstracts

Santa Fe (NM)

ICSA will conduct a conference in Santa Fe, New Mexico November 1-2, 2019. This biennial conference focuses on the needs of former members of cultic groups, movements, or relationships and the families of former or current members. It also includes continuing education training for mental health professionals. Conference sessions emphasize discussion so that participants can address issues pertinent to their individual concerns.

The agenda will address the needs of those seeking help and those who want to help others. A series of talks will address the conference theme of sexual abuse. Other sessions deal with practical issues pertinent to families, former members, helping professionals, and others.

The conference will take place at La Fonda on the Plaza, one of Santa Fe’s finest hotels, located in the heart of the old city. Images of Santa Fe.

Registration

Online

Fax/Mail

More Info (hotel, directions, speakers, abstracts, etc.)

Chester, Connecticut

Workshop for Those Born/Raised in Cults

April 24-26, 2020

More Info: https://www.icsahome.com/events/workshopsgas

NY Monthly Meeting

The next ICSA NY meeting will be:

Friday, August 30, 2019   7:00 – 9:00 PM

Where: Church of St. Paul and St. Andrew (United Methodist), 263 W. 86th St., New York City (Subway stop: #1 train at 86th St. and Broadway) (map) – Social Hall (downstairs; handicap access via elevator).

More Info: https://sites.google.com/icsahome.com/icsa/events/localmeetings/newyork

Details on future ICSA Conversations that will occur during NY meetings: https://sites.google.com/icsahome.com/icsa/events/icsa-conversations

ICSA Bookstore

https://icsahome.networkforgood.com/events/7891-icsa-bookstore

Available Books

Betrayal of the Spirit (Nori Muster)

Born or Raised in a Sect (Lois Kendall)

Cult Recovery: A Clinician’s Guide to Working With Former Members and Families (Lorna Goldberg, William Goldberg, Rosanne Henry, Michael Langone, Eds.)

Coping with Cult Involvement: A Handbook for Families and Friends (Livia Bardin)

Recovery From Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse (Michael Langone, Ed.)

Transcendental Deception (Aryeh Siegel)

Whispering in the Daylight: The Children of Tony Alamo’s Christian Ministry and Their Journey to Freedom (Debbie Schriver)

Women Under the Influence (Janja Lalich, Ed.)

________________________________________________

ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association)

P.O. Box 2265

Bonita Springs, FL 34133

Phone: 1-239-514-3081

fax:  1-305-393-8193

E-mail: mail@icsamail.com

Website: www.icsahome.com

Conferences and workshops  http://www.icsahome.com/events

Become a member of ICSA and gain access to an e-Library with over 23,000 items.

http://www.icsahome.com/membership

Confidentiality Warning:  This message is for the designated recipient only and may contain privileged, proprietary, or otherwise private information. If this message has been received in error, please contact the sender and delete all copies. Thank you.

Catholic Parents, Beware of Legion of Christ and Regnum Christi recruiting young boys!


Archive picture of Legion of Christ ‘junior’ seminarians, middle school age.

Catholic (Convert) Parents Beware of the Legion of Christ and Regnum Christi recruiting your young sons!

Note: because the Legion of Christ received so much bad publicity from the Founder, Fr. Marcial Maciel, scandal and the subsequent investigation/supervision of the order by the Vatican, 2000-2018, the Legion has morphed into Regnum Christi (or other front names).

This warning is for all Catholics, especially Orthodox and Traditional Catholics, home-schooling parents and even more for converts to the Catholic Faith. By this we mean very devout and generous Catholics who want to protect their children from the ravages of Modernism, hedonism and materialism. These Catholics who seek the very best in Catholic tradition, systematically eschew liberal orders and movements, and seek groups which are very devout, faithful to the Pope and Catholic Doctrine, solid devotions (Rosary, Stations of the Cross, etc.) and strict moral guidance (forbidding pre-marital sex, artificial birth control, etc..) The Legion/Regnum will offer them this.

They are often approached by the Opus Dei, the Legion of Christ and its Regnum Christi lay movement. Because these organizations, New Religious Movements, are loyal to the pope and preach the Catholic Catechism, well-meaning Catholic parents are easily duped.

Some founding members of ReGAIN, 1990-2000 were from the Catholic and Convert group described above. They had been duped by the Legion of Christ and Regnum Christi: we had a intensely dedicated (2GF) married woman, a mother of a Legion seminarian, and a wonderful convert couple of Catholic Educators who had given their everything to staff a Legion school in the Atlanta area…

So that the reader does not dismiss ReGAIN’s caveat emptor as some kind of personal vendetta, we are including a message received today from a totally different source.

                                                               &&&&&&

Quote: When I first heard about Maciel

I was sent a copy of an article in a CA newspaper by a home schooling Catholic couple. C Hernández was dying in the hospital and asked a nurse to write down his testimony. He explained how he left the Legion of Christ and how Maciel abused him repeatedly as a child when he was recruited into his Order as a child along with other young boys erroneously called seminarians.

The couple who sent me the article were concerned that another couple with two little boys who were also Catholic converts were being continually being treated to visitations by two handsome Legion priests.

As converts they felt special when they were told their little boys had vocations to the priesthood and were becoming convinced to send their children off to the Legion boarding school, Apostolic School,  in NH.

Concerned the young converts were being brainwashed , the couple who had contacted me  asked their pastor to intervene and speak with these parents.

Mr. Bell called me from San Diego . Having been educated at Wharton Business School Philadelphia and having looked into the Legion’s Oxford school in Mexico, he was shocked to see the Legion employed the same professor he once had at Wharton. “Why would a “Catholic” institution of higher learning hire a man whose main topic in all of his classes goes back to EST training. Previously I thought EST was Scientology .

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erhard_Seminars_Training

Shortly after speaking to their pastor the Bell’s received a letter in the mail from a Col. Laughton or Naughton , I cannot recall exactly.

It contained the copy of an offer to sue them on behalf of the Legion’s good name and was addressed to Monsignor Bannon LC. Bannon’s reply was also included in which he stated that the couple’s motivation may have been just misguided concern for the children. and to hold off but keep them posted.

Mr. Bell was taken aback when he called me and realized he had just been the recipient of a threat. Later they decided to relocate on the East coast.

Then I began to read some articles by Gerald Renner in the “Hartford Courant.”

Mr. Renner was interviewing several seminarians who had escaped after being held in the Legion’s Westchester NY mansion. After they had expressed the fact that they wanted to leave the Legion seminary they were sent there and were held against their will. It was the same mansion previously owned by Sun Myung Moon wherein college students ,whose parents had hired de-programmers, were also held . I saw the film footage of a Documentary on TV recorded by several of the parents of Moonies trying to gain access at the guard house in an attempt to talk to their children.

 Brainwashing appeared to be habitual in these quasi-religious groups and apparently the Legion was applying the same techniques.

Magdala Mary, Catholic journalist

Help for the Wounded Catholic, a brave new book by former Legionary of Christ

A must read

Former Legionary of Christ, Fr. Thomas Berg, who made a successful transition to the diocesan clergy after exiting the controversial order, continued to study and specialize in pastoral theology, while dedicated full time to pastoral care.

He has produced a very unique book:  much needed, well researched, very personal and insightful guide to help heal the many Catholics wounded by the unkindness of Church leaders and institutions.

Click link: institutions

Fr. Thomas shows us by personal example -his own experience with the harshness of the Legion of Christ-  and through that of others who have suffered in the Church, and at the hands of Church people, how to overcome the put downs which have caused so many to flee their Home. Without platitudes or condescending he helps us find a path to healing and reconciliation.

Bless you, Fr. Thomas.

Crisis is my Life! autobiography/testimony of David L Sadler

          

Crisis is my Life

Autobiography of David L. Sadler        

 

DEDICATION:

To my loving family, my parent’s, Steve & Caty & my brother Marc & my best friend Joey who never gave up on me no matter what.  When your love was the hardest to give—is when I needed it the most. And I don’t know what I would have done without it!

 

PREFACE:

I got the title “Crisis is my Life” from “Christ is my Life,” title of the autobiography of the founder of the Legion of Christ, Father Marcial Maciel Degollado, LC. I thought my title would be more appropriate for his story since he was a psychopath, drug addict, pedophile, rapist and was completely corrupt in countless other ways. However, as you read my story—you will see that the title is equally valid to describe my tale. I hope this story touches you and hopefully helps you see God’s kindness and mercy in a new light; that helps you find your inner strength through an honest and courageous journey of self-discovery. Enjoy the read!

 

 

CRISIS IS MY LIFE

 

In the beginning was the Wound….

In Crisis I began through an Emergency C-section. “I want that baby out in 60 seconds or less!”, my grandfather ordered the nurses—as he was Chief of Staff of the hospital, they worked for fear of their jobs if they lost Dr. Sadler’s baby. After a great deal of pain to my mother, I was born David Lloyd Sadler on October 18th, 1983 at Saint Anthony Hospital in Denver, Colorado.  Three months later I was baptized into the Roman Catholic Church at Saint Jude’s Parish— which holds significance due to the fact that he is the Patron of Lost & Hopeless Causes. After reading this story you will understand more clearly why that holds such significance in my heart and soul.  I actually claim to remember this occasion—with both of my parents, Steve & Caty, and my Godfather and my Uncle Mike, standing over me with smiles of joy as the deacon poured the Holy Water over my forehead. I cried, but wasn’t afraid. I felt a sense of peace that is unparalleled to this day.

 

Terrible Twos

From what I can remember, I enjoyed my infancy. I would throw my finger paints on the flow and catch gold-fish out of our small pond in the back yard and even terrorize my mother by throwing eggs at the walls.  When I was about two years old, I was bitten by our beast of a dog, our big black Newfoundland rightly named Tank. Luckily our next door neighbor was a fire fighter and temporarily bandaged the wound on my head as my Dad rushed home to take me to the Emergency Room to get eighteen stitches. This was my second of many near death experiences.

 

Kansas City…

When I was four, right after my little brother Marc was born, my father was transferred to his Corporate Office in Kansas City Missouri. I really enjoyed the good old K.C. We went to baseball games at Royals Stadium and Chiefs games alike. I really got into sports and my father coached my T-ball and soccer teams—in which I became one of the star players after much practice with my Golden Retriever, Happy, in our back yard. Unfortunately, Happy caused another one of my childhood traumas when he had a seizure and died before my very eyes. I was ten years old. This devastated me, as I took it personally and, for some reason, thought it was my fault.

The rest of my childhood was completely joyful. I would ride bikes, go swimming and start clubs with the other neighborhood kids. My family and I would go camping and on nature walks often at Lake of the Ozarks as well as many other joyous vacations and trips back to Denver. The hardest part was being away from my maternal grandfather—whom I practically worshiped as a kid and considered as the ultimate role model and living saint for the rest of my life.

Also when I was ten I made my first communion. This was another paramount event in my life since up until then I was always fascinated with God and religion. I would often drive the nuns crazy in Catechism classes by asking off the wall questions in an attempt to satisfy and unquenchable thirst of spiritual knowledge. Both sets of grandparents came out for this glorious occasion and our Parish priest even inspired me to want to become a priest that day as I wanted his job and wanted to be exactly like him when I grew up. This was a vocation that was fostered for the rest of my youth.

 

Back to 5280…

Also when I was ten my paternal grandmother with whom I was very close, and who also held many saintly qualities. died. This caused us to move back to the Mile-High City—which was bitter-sweet because I got to be with my external family again, but had to say good-bye to all of my close friends. I also had a very hard time adapting to the school system.  The rest of the adolescence was fairly normal. You know: acne, puberty, driver’s license, first job; normal, except for the case of my first girlfriend—who was actually in Columbine High School during the time of the shootings; the shooters even shot into her class room.

I got really involved with religion and Christianity as a whole at this point in my life. I went to a lot of Church events and retreats—Catholic, Protestant and Evangelical. When I was sixteen I even met the Archbishop who became my person spiritual director—which was a great honor, even though I found him to be quite over bearing at times. I visited many seminaries and different religious communities—Franciscans, mostly, until I met a Legionary of Christ at a youth retreat and was instantly impressed with his demeanor and how clean-cut he was and the way he presented himself. So I went over to talk with him and my infatuation with the Legion of Christ began at that very moment.

I became a leader in my church youth group and started a bible study; I even was supposed to become an officer in my public High School’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes; but was turned down since I wasn’t considered to be a “real Christian” because I was Catholic. So I ended up going to Catholic School the next year and had to leave my positions on the drum line and the tennis team. At Holy Family High School, I went from being persecuted for being Catholic to being persecuted for being too Catholic—GO FIGURE! I was made fun of and bullied for wanting to be a priest. As the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, if you want your kids to stand up for the faith and defend it – put them in public school, but if you want them to lose it – put them in Catholic School.

 

The Legion

Having had enough persecution for my faith, I finally decided to join a community that was just as radically for Jesus Christ as I was. So hi, hi, ho—off to the Legion I go! I started off in Rome which was one of the best experiences of my life. I got to go into the Vatican Gardens and was even incorporated into the lay movement of the Legion called Regnum Christi (Kingdom of Christ) by the founder himself, Fr. Maciel in St. Peter’s Square. I then decided to attend the boy’s high school seminary, Immaculate Conception Apostolic School, in New Hampshire, following a visit to their primary seminary in Cheshire Connecticut. It was there that the scandal occurred. I noticed how the other boys were being treated by the superiors and the general method of operation within the Legion in general. There was a lot of mind-control and forms of brainwashing that took place after taking us away from all of our family and friends and basically turning us into robots.

Saying good-bye to my family was the hardest part since even though it turned out to be a false diagnosis; the doctors at the time thought that my father had cancer and the Legion’s response seemed to be “Let the dead bury the dead—come and follow me” and “He who does not hate his mother and father and comes and follows me is not worthy of my kingdom,” etc.

I remember telling a superior in one of my “Spirit of the Legion”, AKA brain washing sessions, that me becoming a Legionary at the time felt like putting a square peg into a round hole. His response scared me as he said: “Wait around a couple of weeks, David, and see how you feel.” Needless to say, my natural instinct was to get the heck out of there as quick as possible.

Since the superiors are completely controlling, as most cult leaders are, by reading your mail, listening to and deciding if and when you can make a phone call and even watching you while you sleep, I had to manipulate them to use the phone to call my Mom and told her to get me on the next flight to Denver and if she called back and they didn’t let her talk to me—call the police! She panicked and did just that.

My Mom told me that when I got off the plane in Denver she could barely recognize me: I was literally shaking, and she saw a look of horror on my face that she had never seen before. I tried to cover everything up at first, but I couldn’t and – for the first time ever – I considered ending my life: I could find any reason to live since the phrase in the Legion to keep you in the cult is “lost vocation is sure damnation.” In other words, they make you feel like you traded Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. From then on until this day I have never been the same. I had lost the happy-go-lucky Dave that I had been before and became someone foreign to me that I detested and desperately didn’t want to be anymore. Therefore, I spent the next sixteen years self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, sex and other self-destructive behavior such as cutting and burning myself, getting three DUIs and going to jail for battery. I even tried to kill myself in 2011. I was also diagnosed with Severe Mental Illness such a Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the Legion, sexual abuse by a member of the clergy, and many other traumatic events such as an airplane crashing right behind my house; all of the above leading me to the conclusion that it was just time to end it. My suicide attempt was a blessing in disguise. I had slit my throat and took a combination of fatal pills. Luckily my parents walked in on me in time to call 911 and save my life, even though I was technically dead for over a minute. During that time my grandfather who had passed away in 2007 appeared to me, grabbed my hand and said, “It’s going to be ok, Dave—just take me hand…It’s going to be ok!” I then woke up in the hospital with both of my hands in restraints, and the doctor asking me “Do you know where you are?” and my traumatized family looking over me in tears.

To this day my grandfather’s promise has held true and I desperately want to live. I write this very story as an assignment from my therapist at the Passages Ventura Treatment Center in California where I feel my new life has just started.

 

A new Creation…

I want to close with a story I heard that I don’t know if it is true or not but has deeply impacted my life. It is about how Da Vinci painted his Last Supper. It is told that he used live models and that he spent a year painting each one. He wanted to start with Jesus, since he the most important and central part of the piece. He decided to find an angelic choir boy who gratefully agreed to do so with honor. Then he proceeded accordingly so on and so forth.  Finally, he arrived at Judas. He considered him to be just as equally important as Jesus since he was to offset Jesus in contrast. He searched and searched and could not find his Judas since he wanted a man who was filled with self-hatred and complete bitterness for life. He decided that the only place he could find such a man was in prison.  He finally found his model who agreed to pose within his cell; but the man couldn’t hold still, kept crying, and remained restless. Da Vinci paused and asked the man if he was upsetting him; the prisoner replied: “Don’t you recognize me?” “No I don’t,” said Da Vinci. The man looked down to the ground, wept, then wiped the tears from his eyes and looked back up at Da Vinci saying: “Twelve years ago you painted me as Jesus in this very piece.”

This story has always bothered me ever since I heard it with the Legion’s mandate of “Lost vocation is sure damnation” to make those who ‘betrayed Christ” feel like Judas. Until one of my close spiritual encounters in deep prayer and reflection opened the eyes of my heart and soul to realize: “Dave, why do you have to be one or the other? Why can’t I allow myself to be loved as the sinner I’ve been and trust in God’s unconditional love?”

 

Moving forward…

Maybe you can relate to this story of Da Vinci’s painting, or even to mine to a degree. I just want to share my view of it and how I am going to apply it to my personal life. I truly believe that Judas greatest sin was choosing to give up by letting his guilt get the best of him and deciding to hang himself instead of trusting in God’s mercy.

I promise you, whatever you’ve done, whatever you’re going through or however bad you think you are—God’s mercy is greater than all of our day-to-day nonsense. If we choose not to allow ourselves to be forgiven or forgiving ourselves, refuse to let ourselves off the hook, and keeping ourselves in a perpetual Lent, then what we are basically saying is that what Jesus did on the Cross was worthless and pointless. He died and resurrected for a reason. YOU are that reason. Please trust in that reason! I hope that this story has inspired you in some way, shape or form. It really has helped me find peace and closure on my past and I pray that it will do that same for you.

Please feel free to tell me your story or provide feedback or ask further questions about mine at: dave.sadler@gmx.com –

Peace & Blessings my Good Friends!

In Jesus & Mary,

Dave

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