This is one of a thirty part exposé on the Children of the Legion. This group of women, then girls, in the Regnum Christi, share their stories of abuse, neglect and the aftermath of being children in the Regnum Christi. For a complete list of stories to date, view Children of the Legion.
I was home sick and depressed pretty much my whole (freshman) year as a PC, most especially after Thanksgiving, but I tried to hide it because I was supposed to be joyful and didn’t want to go against God’s will. There were times I was locking doors at night, and I would think, how hard can it be to run to the airport from here? But I didn’t have a way to get there, to get on a plane, to go home. I felt so trapped.
I also remember times that I was woken up at night to lock the doors again, even though I already had. A Consecrated had to wake me up, and I know she felt bad, but was told to by someone else. So, I had to walk in the dark through the school when everyone was asleep to re-lock a door (that any of the consecrated could have simply taken care of themselves if they had noticed it!) And I had locked it. That felt very wrong, even in the cloud of “God’s will.”
Even on the phone with my family, I pretended everything was ok, because I didn’t want to complain, be unjoyful, or go against God’s will. I know the consecrated must have noticed it eventually, especially in the spring, because all of a sudden they started giving me responsibilities that I would never have been chosen for before, since I was more the quiet type. I was put in charge of a housecleaning group, and told I would be able to go on a camp in another state (which was cancelled). But I had my suspicions even then that the consecrated were trying to make me want to stay. But then my sister came, and I just wanted to spend time with her, so I wouldn’t follow the “schedule” completely. I couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t be able to spend time with my own sister (who I missed so much!) who was in my own house for a month! So, then I brought up that I wasn’t sure if I should stay (I couldn’t take it anymore), and they asked me if I thought maybe it wasn’t God’s will for me to be there in the first place. I said yes, because I hoped that meant I could leave (I was afraid if I said no that I would have to stay). It was definitely the hardest year of my life, but God did bring some good lessons and definitely good friendships out of it.
This story is a testimony from the 49 Weeks Blog. You can see this and more stories by visiting 49 Weeks.