In March of 199_, an ex Legionary of Christ was able to get an unreviewed letter directly to a Legionary brother in Rome. This brother than authored the following response. It was smuggled out of the house in Rome without the customary review by superiors. The letter has been translated from Spanish. It speaks of the anguish and difficulty in leaving this group.
Thanks for your letter. I think that you know better than I do about this whole affair.
I was very nervous and had a very bad time of it: thinking about leaving the Legion gave me a huge guilt complex with a fair share of hopelessness. The absence of anyone to talk to made me feel very lonely, and this, together with the pressure from my superiors, destroyed me.
It was really so bad that I broke my hand punching a wall. My hand is now back to normal.
Now I am much more serene. I have made the decision to go to Madrid and study after leaving the Legion. They are giving me a scholarship to their college there and are helping me to find work and a place to stay which is very good.
Despite all of the prohibitions, I continue to speak with Br. Y and Br. Z. We are careful about it, so there are no problems.
I am in the middle of preparing to leave with visas and registration – this does distract me a bit. I only go to the classes that I want to go to, they are getting me some clothes, and I accompany Fr. X on business in the city, if you can call that one
Father?. So I basically do what I want to do. They want me in until June. I can do that without a problem. But come June, I am gone.
I heard from Br. Z that you have found a diocese and that makes me very happy for you. I hope that you will always be a great priest if that is what you really want. As far as being old, that is not true. You can start again if that is the case. God will give you the strength. He is my strength and will always be.
He told me that He wants me to be father of a family that can be His sanctuary. But the condition is that I have to work for it. I am doing just that: He gave me a place to study, work and live and I know He will send me a nice girl in good time.
As you can see, I have clear ideas as to what I want and a goal in life, which is so important.
I am worried about my parents and my 17 year-old sister who has a daughter. I have to help them out, but I first have to help myself as I have nothing to my name. But as the Lord says,
courage, begin to work (1Cor 28,10b).
Well, I have to sign off now. Thank you so much for your letter. It is good to know that I can count on a friend like you. Even though I pray little, I pray for you.