Category: priests

1- WOMEN ABUSED BY FORMER, EXITING OR ACTIVES LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST AND REGNUM CHRISTI MEMBERS Seguido de TRADUCCIÓN!

WOMEN ABUSED BY FORMER, EXITING OR ACTIVE LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST AND REGNUM CHRISTI MEMBERS! WOMEN, BEWARE OF LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST ON THE TIGHTROPE! Over the past year a number of women who have been deceived or abused physically, emotionally, sexually or spiritually by Legionary of Christ and Regnum Christi members have approached me:  they have tangled with priests, struggling priests and seminarians, and by exited or exiting members. For me, a former Legionary priest, listening to these “victims” is a sad and frustrating experience. Each case is different. I realize that the roles can be reversed when the LC/RC in question is a woman of whom men need to be wary. But I hope I can put together some ideas which may be helpful to those who choose to heed the following caveats:

 

WOMEN, BEWARE OF LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST ON THE TIGHTROPE!

Do NOT get romantically or sexually involved!

 

BY J. Paul Lennon, STL, MA Counseling, Post MA Marriage and Family Therapy

December 2023 – February 2024

Hello Mr. Lennon,

as we discussed on Facebook. I am writing because my ex-husband was a Legionary of Christ. I know he was in it from 2002 until around 2011.  I knew the seminary he was in was strict, but I didn’t know anything about the (Maciel) scandal until just before our divorce was finalized….  Our whole marriage he was emotionally abusive and financially controlling. Then one day in 2018 I found out he had a massive affair. I discovered he had lots of women hidden on Facebook. I left soon after I found a list of confessions re porn addiction, lusts, adultery, evil in his heart for me, etc.  After that my daughter started making  physical and sexual abuse allegations against him. She was 4.  I also realized he opened 4 credit cards in my name.  The child abuse consisted of burning my daughter with a hot fork and having her witness a voodoo ritual,  as well as sexual abuse according to my daughter. It was a fierce battle in court, but the abuse allegations were so bizarre that the judge did not believe my ex who is a lecturer at a college could have possibly done it. We did everything right: CPS, the police involved, therapist.  The judge just wasn’t for me. I tell you all this to let you know we went to a psychiatrist for evaluation, he asked me what I knew about my ex. I told him he was in the seminary for 9 years and got a degree in Rome. He said that’s weird because he didn’t mention that. I thought it was so odd, so I started researching it. I knew it was in Cheshire, CT. And I dove into the Legionaries of Christ. My ex always told me he met a living saint. I always thought he meant a Pope but maybe he meant Fr. Marcial Maciel, the pedophile founder.

1-   Where is the writer coming from?

Over the past year a number of women who have been deceived or abused physically, emotionally, sexually or spiritually by Legionary of Christ and Regnum Christi members have approached me:  they have tangled with priests, struggling priests and seminarians, and by exited or exiting members. For me, a former Legionary priest, listening to these “victims” is a sad and frustrating experience. Each case is different. I realize that the roles can be reversed when the LC/RC in question is a woman of whom men need to be wary. But I hope I can put together some ideas which may be helpful to those who choose to heed the following caveats:

Be careful! You don’t know what you are getting into. And for the most part the struggling Legionary or Regnum Christi member does not know what the heck is going on with him/her. On counseling one woman, asking how to understand the man she could be falling in love with, the image of a Swirling Dervish came to mind.  The guy is swirling around at such speed that it is dangerous to get within arm’s length! Please do not try to rescue him/her. In Mexico they have a saying: you go in a redeemer and come out crucified.

2-   Many, if not all, former members claim they received little or no SEX EDUCATION

Perhaps this is not a surprise when one considers the reckless sexual life of the founder, pedophile Mexican priest, Fr. Marcial Maciel. When I was a Legionary, 1961-84, Legion training, particularly in the area of sexuality,  seemed to be governed by the same principles as the dysfunctional family popularized decades ago by the ACA Movement: “Don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel!” An intellectualized explanation of the vow of chastity/celibacy was imparted once. Period. It was totally forbidden that members discuss any kind of problems or personal issues with their companions. They had to confide in their superiors: the superiors had no idea, or did not know how to broach the subject, except in the most tactless and awkward way. We were not supposed to have any sexual difficulties. Because we had such a lofty calling to follow and embody Christ it was unthinkable that we could struggle with our budding sexuality. “It’s a temptation of the Devil, put it out of your mind.” These were impure thoughts and impulses. Repress and sublimate.

For your amusement you may view my video[i]

A glaring example of the lack of psychosexual development knowledge, exploration and guidance is portrayed in Kevin O’Sullivan’s recent memoir, A Good Boy. Outliving the Legion of Christ[ii]

3-   The religious congregation’s approach to the fundamental issue of “vocation” is seriously flawed.

Former members joke about how recruiters, directors, “formators”, spiritual directors -the group uses a variety of names referring to those who train the seminarians and priests- embrace a simplistic philosophy: “you have a vocation until I say you don’t!”. Those of us who lived under the Maciel regime can attest to this. Later generations explain how the Territorial Directors now seem to possess this charism in the reformed Legion.

There are numerous stories of how a superior or female director will shaft a member at the blink of an eye: “Patricia, the territorial director and I have determined that you are no longer fit for the Movement. Pack your bags quietly and discreetly this evening. A taxi will be waiting to take you to the airport early tomorrow morning. Please do not share this information with the other Señoritas, as this might imperil their vocation. And by the way, Fr. X and I do firmly believe you have a vocation for marriage. Hopefully, you will find another person who shares your religious and moral principles.” The exiting member will be given a plane ticket and a couple of hundred dollars for her expenses. Little or no care is provided for the exiting member’s well-being and recovery from what is often a harrowing experience.

4-   That is why those of us who care about exiting members and their prospective partners urge caution.

  • Some exiting members can be physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally damaged.
  • Experts in the field speak of them suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Many of us also suffered from Co-dependence on the order, unable to make decisions for ourselves and for our well-being.
  • Do no rush into a relationship with a former Legion of Christ or Regnum Christi member.
  • Make sure they have taken the time to heal.
  • Some may believe that a former priest, nun, consecrated man or woman is a good candidate for marriage. The religious life and solitude is not necessarily good preparation for marriage.
  • Hurried, rash or impulsive liaisons can lead to abuse, exploitation, failure and divorce.
  • “Love at first sight” and having children is OK in the movies but not recommended in real life.
  • Do your homework!
    • Keep tabs on exiting members of the priesthood and religious life. Follow their trajectory.
    • Research their recent lives, relationships and careers.
    • I can tell you from personal experience that we need time to recover our real personality, settle down, learn to be independent, and create a new career and livelihood.

5-   This order & movement has been accused of being cult-like, If so, it will possess many of the harmful features

associated with such groups; one of which is the tight control the leadership exerts over the members which limits their emotional, psychological and mental development. The new member will change their usual self and  acquire his/her “cult personality”. In some cases, the so-called “Legion formation” composed of a multitude of minute rules- may accentuate their defects and mental illnesses. Some members can exhibit repressed emotions, cruelty, obsessive compulsiveness, while others experience depression and anxiety. As the group’s goal is to strictly retain members, superiors will often refer suffering members to “professionals” who are in league with the superiors or otherwise influenced by the organization, or to its own home-made psychological institute[iii]. Thus, there is no one who truly looks out for the members’ well-being and emotional health. Often, members are controlled through ill-advised psychotropic medication.

I have spent thirty years trying to prove that the institution known as Legion of Christ/Regnum Christi is cult-like[iv]. I am not sure how successful I have been. Many believe that because the organization is approved by the Catholic Hierarchy it cannot be cult-like. I will not belabor the point.  But if I and other cult experts such as Steven Hassan, Janja Lalich, Brian Ross and Gillie Jenkinson[v], who have treated ex-LCs and ex-RCs, are correct, we can save you a lot of grief. See me being interviewed by the then International Cultic Studies Association director, Michael Langone[vi]. And save your family, friends and counselors much time, effort and expense. And grief.

 

[i] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fB3PiIi0wg&t=27s

[ii]  A Good Boy: Outliving the Legion of Christ: O’Sullivan, Kevin: 9780645487909: Amazon.com: Books

[iii] To avoid revealing the ill effects of  the Legion’s repressive methods on the members, superiors will avoid sending them to bona fide and independent therapists. The Legion, like a cult, prefers to “wash all its dirty linen at home” and so attempts to train its own,  homemade, psychotherapists. The order has gone to great lengths to create its “Psychological Institute” to treat troubled LC and RC members:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_for_the_Psychological_Sciences

[iv] See http://www.regainnetwork.org, ReGAIN Facebook, Catholic Orders and Movements Accused of being Cult-like: https://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Orders-Movements-Accused-Cult-like/dp/B084QL33YZ

[v] Several Spanish psychotherapists such as Carmen Almendros, Miguel Perlado and others are also familiar with the predicament and have treated Legionaries of Christ exiting seminarians and priests and Regnum Christi male and female “consecrated” members. English cult expert and psychotherapist Gillie Jenkinson at Hope Valley has also been contacted by troubled former members.

[vi]  https://regainnetwork.org/2020/12/19/dr-michael-langone-director-of-international-cultic-studies-association-interviews-paul-lennon-re-his-legion-of-christ-involvement/

1- ¡MUJERES ABUSADAS POR MIEMBROS DE LOS LEGIONARIOS DE CRISTO Y DEL REGNUM CHRISTI QUE HAN SIDO MIEMBROS SALIENTES O ACTIVOS!

 

MUJERES, CUIDADO CON LOS LEGIONARIOS DE CRISTO EN LA CUERDA FLOJA

¡NO te involucres romántica o sexualmente!

 

POR J. Paul Lennon, STL, MA Consejería, Post MA Terapia Matrimonial y Familiar

Diciembre 2023 – Febrero 2024

Hola Sr. Lennon,

como comentamos en Facebook. Escribo porque mi ex marido era legionario de Cristo. Sé que estuvo en ella desde 2002 hasta alrededor de 2011.  Sabía que el seminario en el que estaba era estricto, pero no supe nada del  escándalo (Maciel) hasta justo antes de que finalizara nuestro divorcio.  Durante todo nuestro matrimonio, él fue emocionalmente abusivo y financieramente controlador. Entonces, un día de 2018 me enteré de que tenía una gran aventura. Descubrí que tenía muchas mujeres escondidas en Facebook. Me fui poco después de encontrar una lista de confesiones sobre la adicción a la pornografía, la lujuria, el adulterio, la maldad en su corazón por mí, etc.  Después de eso, mi hija comenzó a hacer acusaciones de abuso físico y sexual contra él. Tenía 4 años.  También me di cuenta de que abrió 4 tarjetas de crédito a mi nombre.  El abuso infantil consistió en quemar a mi hija con un tenedor caliente y hacerla presenciar un ritual vudú, así como el abuso sexual según mi hija. Fue una batalla feroz en la corte, pero las acusaciones de abuso eran tan extrañas que el juez no creía que mi ex, que es profesor en una universidad, pudiera haberlo hecho. Hicimos todo bien: CPS, la policía involucrada, el terapeuta.  El juez no me ayudó. Te cuento todo esto para que sepas que fuimos a un psiquiatra para que me evaluara, me preguntó qué sabía de mi ex. Le dije que estuvo en el seminario durante 9 años y que se graduó en Roma. Dijo: es raro porque no me lo mencionó. Pensé que era muy extraño, así que comencé a investigarlo. Sabía que estaba en Cheshire, Connecticut. Y me sumergí en los Legionarios de Cristo. Mi ex siempre me decía que había conocido a un santo viviente. Siempre pensé que se refería a un Papa, pero tal vez se refería al padre Marcial Maciel, el fundador pedófilo.

 

1-   ¿Por qué el autor escribe sobre un tema tan escabroso?

 

Durante este último año, varias mujeres que han sido engañadas o abusadas física, emocional, sexual o espiritualmente por miembros de la Legión de Cristo y del Regnum Christi se han acercado a mí: se han enredado con sacerdotes y seminaristas problemáticos, y por miembros que han salido o están saliendo. Para mí, ex sacerdote legionario, escuchar a estas “víctimas” es una experiencia triste y frustrante. Cada caso es diferente. Me doy cuenta de que los papeles pueden invertirse cuando la LC/RC en cuestión es una mujer de la que los hombres deben desconfiar. Pero espero poder reunir algunas ideas que puedan ser útiles para aquellos que elijan prestar atención a las siguientes advertencias:

¡Ten cuidado! No sabes en lo que te estás metiendo. Y en su mayor parte, el miembro del Legionario o del Regnum Christi que lucha no sabe qué diablos está pasando con él/ella. Al aconsejar a una mujer, preguntándole cómo entender al hombre del que podría estar enamorándose, me vino a la mente la imagen de un derviche arremolinado.  ¡El tipo se arremolina a tal velocidad que es peligroso acercarse al brazo de distancia! Por favor, no intentes rescatarlo. En México tienen un dicho: entras como redentor y sales crucificado.

2-   Muchos, si no todos, los exmiembros afirman que recibieron poca o ninguna EDUCACIÓN SEXUAL

 

Tal vez esto no sea una sorpresa si se tiene en cuenta la desenfrenada vida sexual del fundador, el sacerdote mexicano pedófilo, el padre Marcial Maciel. Cuando yo era legionario, de 1961 a 1984, el entrenamiento de la Legión, particularmente en el área de la sexualidad, parecía estar regido por los mismos principios que la familia disfuncional popularizada hace décadas por el Movimiento ACA: “¡No hables, no confíes, no sientas!” Una vez se impartió una explicación intelectualizada del voto de castidad/celibato. Periodo. Estaba totalmente prohibido que los miembros discutieran cualquier tipo de problema o cuestiones personales con sus compañeros. Tenían que confiar en sus superiores: los superiores no tenían ni idea, o no sabían cómo abordar el tema, excepto de la manera más indiscreta y torpe. Se suponía que no debíamos tener ninguna dificultad sexual. Debido a que teníamos un llamado tan elevado a seguir y encarnar a Cristo, era impensable que pudiéramos luchar con nuestra sexualidad en ciernes. “Es una tentación del diablo, sácala de tu mente”. Eran pensamientos e impulsos impuros. Reprimir y sublimar.

Para su diversión, puede ver mi video[i]

Un ejemplo flagrante de la falta de conocimiento, exploración y orientación sobre el desarrollo psicosexual se retrata en las recientes memorias de Kevin O’Sullivan, A Good Boy. Sobrevivir a la Legión de Cristo[ii]

 

 

3-   El enfoque de la congregación religiosa sobre el tema fundamental de la “vocación” es seriamente defectuoso.

 

Los antiguos miembros bromean sobre cómo los reclutadores, los directores, los “formadores”, los directores espirituales -el grupo usa una variedad de nombres para referirse a los que forman a los seminaristas y sacerdotes- abrazan una filosofía simplista: “¡tienes una vocación hasta que yo diga que no la tienes!”. Quienes vivimos bajo el régimen de Maciel podemos dar fe de ello. Las generaciones posteriores explican cómo los Directores Territoriales parecen poseer ahora este carisma en la Legión reformada.

Hay numerosas historias de cómo un superior o una directora machaca a un miembro en un abrir y cerrar de ojos: “Patricia, la directora territorial y yo hemos determinado que ya no eres apta para el Movimiento. Haz las maletas de forma tranquila y discreta esta noche. Un taxi te estará esperando para llevarte al aeropuerto mañana por la mañana temprano. Por favor, no comparta esta información con las otras Señoritas, ya que esto podría poner en peligro su vocación. Y, por cierto, el P. X y yo creemos firmemente que usted tiene vocación para el matrimonio. Con suerte, encontrarás a otra persona que comparta tus principios religiosos y morales”. El miembro saliente recibirá un boleto de avión y un par de cientos de dólares para sus gastos. Se brinda poca o ninguna atención para el bienestar del miembro saliente y la recuperación de lo que a menudo es una experiencia desgarradora.

4-   Es por eso que aquellos de nosotros que nos preocupamos por los miembros que se van y sus posibles socios instamos a la precaución.

  • Algunos miembros salientes pueden padecer de daños físicos, mentales, psicológicos y emocionales.
  • Los expertos en la materia hablan de que sufren de Trastorno de Estrés Postraumático Complejo. Muchos de nosotros también sufrimos de codependencia de la orden, incapaces de tomar decisiones por nosotros mismos y por nuestro bienestar.
  • No te apresures a entablar una relación con un ex miembro de la Legión de Cristo o del Regnum Christi.
  • Asegúrese de que se hayan tomado el tiempo para sanar.
  • Algunos pueden creer que un ex sacerdote, monja, hombre o mujer consagrado es un buen candidato para el matrimonio. La vida religiosa y la soledad no son necesariamente una buena preparación para el matrimonio.
  • Las relaciones apresuradas, precipitadas o impulsivas pueden conducir al abuso, la explotación, el fracaso y el divorcio.
  • “Amor a primera vista” y tener hijos está bien en las películas, pero no se recomienda en la vida real.
  • ¡Haz tu tarea!
    • Esté atento a los miembros salientes del sacerdocio y de la vida religiosa. Sigue su trayectoria.
    • Investiga sus vidas, relaciones y carreras recientes.
    • Puedo decirte por experiencia personal que necesitamos tiempo para recuperar nuestra verdadera personalidad, establecernos, aprender a ser independientes y crear una nueva carrera y medio de vida.

 

5-   Este orden y movimiento ha sido acusado de ser un culto, si es así, poseerá muchas de las características dañinas

 

uno de los cuales es  el férreo control que el liderazgo ejerce sobre los miembros, lo que limita su desarrollo emocional, psicológico y mental. El nuevo miembro cambiará su yo habitual y adquirirá su “personalidad de culto”. En algunos casos, la llamada “formación de la Legión”, compuesta por una multitud de reglas minuciosas, puede acentuar sus defectos y enfermedades mentales. Algunos miembros pueden exhibir emociones reprimidas, crueldad, obsesividad compulsiva, mientras que otros experimentan depresión y ansiedad. Como el objetivo del grupo es retener estrictamente a los miembros, los superiores a menudo remiten a los miembros que sufren a “profesionales” que están aliados con los superiores o que están influenciados por la organización, o a su propio instituto psicológico casero[iii]. Por lo tanto, no hay nadie que realmente vele por el bienestar y la salud emocional de los miembros. A menudo, los miembros son controlados a través de medicamentos psicotrópicos mal aconsejados.

He pasado treinta años tratando de demostrar que la institución conocida como Legión de Cristo/Regnum Christi es una secta[iv]. No estoy seguro de qué tan exitoso he sido. Muchos creen que debido a que la organización está aprobada por la Jerarquía Católica no puede ser como una secta. No me extenderé en este punto.  Pero si yo y otros expertos en sectas como Steven Hassan, Janja Lalich, Brian Ross y Gillie Jenkinson, [v]que han tratado a ex-LCs y ex-RCs, estamos en lo cierto, podemos ahorrarte un montón de dolor. Véanme siendo entrevistado por el entonces director de la Asociación Internacional de Estudios Cultuales, Michael Langone[vi]. Y ahorre a su familia, amigos y consejeros mucho tiempo, esfuerzo y gastos. Y el dolor.

 

 

[i] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fB3PiIi0wg&t=27s

[ii]  Un buen chico: Sobrevivir a la Legión de Cristo: O’Sullivan, Kevin: 9780645487909: Amazon.com: Libros

[iii] Para evitar revelar los efectos nocivos de los métodos represivos de la Legión en los miembros, los superiores evitarán enviarlos a terapeutas independientes y de buena fe. La Legión, como una secta, prefiere “lavar toda su ropa sucia en casa” y por eso intenta formar a sus propios psicoterapeutas caseros. La orden ha hecho todo lo posible para crear su “Instituto Psicológico” para tratar a los miembros problemáticos de LC y RC:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_for_the_Psychological_Sciences

[iv] Ver http://www.regainnetwork.org, ReGAIN Facebook, Órdenes y Movimientos Católicos Acusados de ser Sectarios: https://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Orders-Movements-Accused-Cult-like/dp/B084QL33YZ

[v] Varios psicoterapeutas españoles, como Carmen Almendros, Miguel Perlado y otros, también están familiarizados con la situación y han tratado a seminaristas y sacerdotes salientes de los Legionarios de Cristo y miembros “consagrados” del Regnum Christi, hombres y mujeres. La experta en sectas y psicoterapeuta inglesa Gillie Jenkinson de Hope Valley también ha sido contactada por ex miembros con problemas.

[vi]  https://regainnetwork.org/2020/12/19/dr-michael-langone-director-of-international-cultic-studies-association-interviews-paul-lennon-re-his-legion-of-christ-involvement/

Crisis is my Life! autobiography/testimony of David L Sadler

          

Crisis is my Life

Autobiography of David L. Sadler        

 

DEDICATION:

To my loving family, my parent’s, Steve & Caty & my brother Marc & my best friend Joey who never gave up on me no matter what.  When your love was the hardest to give—is when I needed it the most. And I don’t know what I would have done without it!

 

PREFACE:

I got the title “Crisis is my Life” from “Christ is my Life,” title of the autobiography of the founder of the Legion of Christ, Father Marcial Maciel Degollado, LC. I thought my title would be more appropriate for his story since he was a psychopath, drug addict, pedophile, rapist and was completely corrupt in countless other ways. However, as you read my story—you will see that the title is equally valid to describe my tale. I hope this story touches you and hopefully helps you see God’s kindness and mercy in a new light; that helps you find your inner strength through an honest and courageous journey of self-discovery. Enjoy the read!

 

 

CRISIS IS MY LIFE

 

In the beginning was the Wound….

In Crisis I began through an Emergency C-section. “I want that baby out in 60 seconds or less!”, my grandfather ordered the nurses—as he was Chief of Staff of the hospital, they worked for fear of their jobs if they lost Dr. Sadler’s baby. After a great deal of pain to my mother, I was born David Lloyd Sadler on October 18th, 1983 at Saint Anthony Hospital in Denver, Colorado.  Three months later I was baptized into the Roman Catholic Church at Saint Jude’s Parish— which holds significance due to the fact that he is the Patron of Lost & Hopeless Causes. After reading this story you will understand more clearly why that holds such significance in my heart and soul.  I actually claim to remember this occasion—with both of my parents, Steve & Caty, and my Godfather and my Uncle Mike, standing over me with smiles of joy as the deacon poured the Holy Water over my forehead. I cried, but wasn’t afraid. I felt a sense of peace that is unparalleled to this day.

 

Terrible Twos

From what I can remember, I enjoyed my infancy. I would throw my finger paints on the flow and catch gold-fish out of our small pond in the back yard and even terrorize my mother by throwing eggs at the walls.  When I was about two years old, I was bitten by our beast of a dog, our big black Newfoundland rightly named Tank. Luckily our next door neighbor was a fire fighter and temporarily bandaged the wound on my head as my Dad rushed home to take me to the Emergency Room to get eighteen stitches. This was my second of many near death experiences.

 

Kansas City…

When I was four, right after my little brother Marc was born, my father was transferred to his Corporate Office in Kansas City Missouri. I really enjoyed the good old K.C. We went to baseball games at Royals Stadium and Chiefs games alike. I really got into sports and my father coached my T-ball and soccer teams—in which I became one of the star players after much practice with my Golden Retriever, Happy, in our back yard. Unfortunately, Happy caused another one of my childhood traumas when he had a seizure and died before my very eyes. I was ten years old. This devastated me, as I took it personally and, for some reason, thought it was my fault.

The rest of my childhood was completely joyful. I would ride bikes, go swimming and start clubs with the other neighborhood kids. My family and I would go camping and on nature walks often at Lake of the Ozarks as well as many other joyous vacations and trips back to Denver. The hardest part was being away from my maternal grandfather—whom I practically worshiped as a kid and considered as the ultimate role model and living saint for the rest of my life.

Also when I was ten I made my first communion. This was another paramount event in my life since up until then I was always fascinated with God and religion. I would often drive the nuns crazy in Catechism classes by asking off the wall questions in an attempt to satisfy and unquenchable thirst of spiritual knowledge. Both sets of grandparents came out for this glorious occasion and our Parish priest even inspired me to want to become a priest that day as I wanted his job and wanted to be exactly like him when I grew up. This was a vocation that was fostered for the rest of my youth.

 

Back to 5280…

Also when I was ten my paternal grandmother with whom I was very close, and who also held many saintly qualities. died. This caused us to move back to the Mile-High City—which was bitter-sweet because I got to be with my external family again, but had to say good-bye to all of my close friends. I also had a very hard time adapting to the school system.  The rest of the adolescence was fairly normal. You know: acne, puberty, driver’s license, first job; normal, except for the case of my first girlfriend—who was actually in Columbine High School during the time of the shootings; the shooters even shot into her class room.

I got really involved with religion and Christianity as a whole at this point in my life. I went to a lot of Church events and retreats—Catholic, Protestant and Evangelical. When I was sixteen I even met the Archbishop who became my person spiritual director—which was a great honor, even though I found him to be quite over bearing at times. I visited many seminaries and different religious communities—Franciscans, mostly, until I met a Legionary of Christ at a youth retreat and was instantly impressed with his demeanor and how clean-cut he was and the way he presented himself. So I went over to talk with him and my infatuation with the Legion of Christ began at that very moment.

I became a leader in my church youth group and started a bible study; I even was supposed to become an officer in my public High School’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes; but was turned down since I wasn’t considered to be a “real Christian” because I was Catholic. So I ended up going to Catholic School the next year and had to leave my positions on the drum line and the tennis team. At Holy Family High School, I went from being persecuted for being Catholic to being persecuted for being too Catholic—GO FIGURE! I was made fun of and bullied for wanting to be a priest. As the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, if you want your kids to stand up for the faith and defend it – put them in public school, but if you want them to lose it – put them in Catholic School.

 

The Legion

Having had enough persecution for my faith, I finally decided to join a community that was just as radically for Jesus Christ as I was. So hi, hi, ho—off to the Legion I go! I started off in Rome which was one of the best experiences of my life. I got to go into the Vatican Gardens and was even incorporated into the lay movement of the Legion called Regnum Christi (Kingdom of Christ) by the founder himself, Fr. Maciel in St. Peter’s Square. I then decided to attend the boy’s high school seminary, Immaculate Conception Apostolic School, in New Hampshire, following a visit to their primary seminary in Cheshire Connecticut. It was there that the scandal occurred. I noticed how the other boys were being treated by the superiors and the general method of operation within the Legion in general. There was a lot of mind-control and forms of brainwashing that took place after taking us away from all of our family and friends and basically turning us into robots.

Saying good-bye to my family was the hardest part since even though it turned out to be a false diagnosis; the doctors at the time thought that my father had cancer and the Legion’s response seemed to be “Let the dead bury the dead—come and follow me” and “He who does not hate his mother and father and comes and follows me is not worthy of my kingdom,” etc.

I remember telling a superior in one of my “Spirit of the Legion”, AKA brain washing sessions, that me becoming a Legionary at the time felt like putting a square peg into a round hole. His response scared me as he said: “Wait around a couple of weeks, David, and see how you feel.” Needless to say, my natural instinct was to get the heck out of there as quick as possible.

Since the superiors are completely controlling, as most cult leaders are, by reading your mail, listening to and deciding if and when you can make a phone call and even watching you while you sleep, I had to manipulate them to use the phone to call my Mom and told her to get me on the next flight to Denver and if she called back and they didn’t let her talk to me—call the police! She panicked and did just that.

My Mom told me that when I got off the plane in Denver she could barely recognize me: I was literally shaking, and she saw a look of horror on my face that she had never seen before. I tried to cover everything up at first, but I couldn’t and – for the first time ever – I considered ending my life: I could find any reason to live since the phrase in the Legion to keep you in the cult is “lost vocation is sure damnation.” In other words, they make you feel like you traded Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. From then on until this day I have never been the same. I had lost the happy-go-lucky Dave that I had been before and became someone foreign to me that I detested and desperately didn’t want to be anymore. Therefore, I spent the next sixteen years self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, sex and other self-destructive behavior such as cutting and burning myself, getting three DUIs and going to jail for battery. I even tried to kill myself in 2011. I was also diagnosed with Severe Mental Illness such a Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the Legion, sexual abuse by a member of the clergy, and many other traumatic events such as an airplane crashing right behind my house; all of the above leading me to the conclusion that it was just time to end it. My suicide attempt was a blessing in disguise. I had slit my throat and took a combination of fatal pills. Luckily my parents walked in on me in time to call 911 and save my life, even though I was technically dead for over a minute. During that time my grandfather who had passed away in 2007 appeared to me, grabbed my hand and said, “It’s going to be ok, Dave—just take me hand…It’s going to be ok!” I then woke up in the hospital with both of my hands in restraints, and the doctor asking me “Do you know where you are?” and my traumatized family looking over me in tears.

To this day my grandfather’s promise has held true and I desperately want to live. I write this very story as an assignment from my therapist at the Passages Ventura Treatment Center in California where I feel my new life has just started.

 

A new Creation…

I want to close with a story I heard that I don’t know if it is true or not but has deeply impacted my life. It is about how Da Vinci painted his Last Supper. It is told that he used live models and that he spent a year painting each one. He wanted to start with Jesus, since he the most important and central part of the piece. He decided to find an angelic choir boy who gratefully agreed to do so with honor. Then he proceeded accordingly so on and so forth.  Finally, he arrived at Judas. He considered him to be just as equally important as Jesus since he was to offset Jesus in contrast. He searched and searched and could not find his Judas since he wanted a man who was filled with self-hatred and complete bitterness for life. He decided that the only place he could find such a man was in prison.  He finally found his model who agreed to pose within his cell; but the man couldn’t hold still, kept crying, and remained restless. Da Vinci paused and asked the man if he was upsetting him; the prisoner replied: “Don’t you recognize me?” “No I don’t,” said Da Vinci. The man looked down to the ground, wept, then wiped the tears from his eyes and looked back up at Da Vinci saying: “Twelve years ago you painted me as Jesus in this very piece.”

This story has always bothered me ever since I heard it with the Legion’s mandate of “Lost vocation is sure damnation” to make those who ‘betrayed Christ” feel like Judas. Until one of my close spiritual encounters in deep prayer and reflection opened the eyes of my heart and soul to realize: “Dave, why do you have to be one or the other? Why can’t I allow myself to be loved as the sinner I’ve been and trust in God’s unconditional love?”

 

Moving forward…

Maybe you can relate to this story of Da Vinci’s painting, or even to mine to a degree. I just want to share my view of it and how I am going to apply it to my personal life. I truly believe that Judas greatest sin was choosing to give up by letting his guilt get the best of him and deciding to hang himself instead of trusting in God’s mercy.

I promise you, whatever you’ve done, whatever you’re going through or however bad you think you are—God’s mercy is greater than all of our day-to-day nonsense. If we choose not to allow ourselves to be forgiven or forgiving ourselves, refuse to let ourselves off the hook, and keeping ourselves in a perpetual Lent, then what we are basically saying is that what Jesus did on the Cross was worthless and pointless. He died and resurrected for a reason. YOU are that reason. Please trust in that reason! I hope that this story has inspired you in some way, shape or form. It really has helped me find peace and closure on my past and I pray that it will do that same for you.

Please feel free to tell me your story or provide feedback or ask further questions about mine at: dave.sadler@gmx.com –

Peace & Blessings my Good Friends!

In Jesus & Mary,

Dave

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The Real Jesuits

By Jean Baptiste Le Sel

  1. They are the priests who look like the Jesuits used to: the simple black buttonless habit is almost the same; except the waist sash that hangs from the other hip.
  2. They are the priests who pledge and give allegiance to the pope, the “Holy Father”, just like the Jesuits of old with their special vow.
  3. They are the priest who don’t smoke, do comb their hair to the right, have no beards or moustaches and always use their Roman collar shirt front with their black tailor-made suit.
  4. Their spirituality is centered in Christ, over the door of the their novitiate the word of St. Paul, “Christus Vita Vestra”, Christ Your Life is proudly emblazoned; there is a military style: lining up, standing to attention, raising their red and white flag after the papal flag while saluting it singing “Christus vincit, Christus regnat, Christus imperat,” Christ to conquer, Christ to reign, Christ to rule! They are the Roman soldiers of Christ.
  5. They use the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola –albeit their own version- for their spiritual growth and that of the lay people under their pastoral care.
  6. They are the priest who, like the Jesuits, believe in twice daily examination of conscience. Their founder also insisted that each member spend an hour every Sunday morning responding to a detailed examination of a particular virtue; a “practical exam”, chosen by his spiritual director, focused on obedience, simplicity, attention to detail, delicate fraternal charity, gossip, generosity…
  7. The founder described their spirituality as “Contemplative and Conquering.”
  8. From the 1950s to the 60s their seminarians used to study in Rome with the Jesuits (Gregorian Pontifical University) and the Dominicans (University of St. Thomas, Angelicum) but when these institutions became too liberal, under the influence of Vatican Council II, the order created its own college of higher studies, Regina Apostolorum Pontifical Athenaeum, to avoid contamination.
  9. In his life time the founder wrote a treatise on how to train priests, Integral Formation of Catholic Priests[1] and the order has gained the admiration of popes and bishops who entrust the training of seminarians to them; seminarian who will be the bishops of the future. The training of seminarians had always been a specialty of the Jesuits.
  10. In fact the history of this order is closely entwined with the Jesuits whom they have now supplanted. The founder sent his first Mexican recruits to study at the Jesuit run seminary in Comillas, Cantabria, Spain, in the 1940s. The founder even poached some senior seminarians, studying at that institution for the diocesan priesthood, to increase the maturity of his own too young seminarians. These men became priests for the new order and the founder’s faithful followers and generous collaborators: Frs. Antonio Lagoa, Rafael Arumí Blancafort, Rafael Cuena, Faustino Pardo, the blond twins Gustavo and Guillermo (the pedophile) Izquierdo, José María Escribano and Gregorio López: all of whom are now deceased. R.I.P. This was another chapter in the founder’s love-hate relationship with the Society of Jesus.
  11. Some critics hold that the founder even based his constitutions on the rules of the Jesuits which he purloined from the public library in Coyoacán, Mexico City. Defenders maintain that this holy man, slandered by many, made better use of St. Ignatius’ rules than the order originally founded by the Basque. Only time and the holiness of the Real Jesuits will tell.
  12. Long the darlings of Pope John Paul II, their constitutions were recently approved by Pope Francis. It is business as usual now for this much maligned order. But the founder had warned his members to be prepared to stave off calumny and detraction.

[1] http://www.amazon.com/Integral-Formation-Catholic-Priests-Marcial/dp/0965160130

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